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Critical Analysis #2
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A Minute
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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A Minute |
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Rainbowdust Member
since 2002-12-05
Posts 320Sydney, Australia 
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Since I found your comments so valuable last time, I thought I'd try my luck with this one. I really like it although again, I feel it's not as good as it could be. ***** 3... A ludicrous fight rips two friends apart A newborn inhales its first breath "I love you!" "I hate you!" "Til death do you part?" Rose petals fall to their death 6... A drunken husband, to his wife, does his worst Lightning flashes across the sky A few miles over, three die of thirst While other banks' contents rise dangerously high 12... A newly wed couple, sip champagne While an ant is murdered by careless shoe A star explodes into being above the rain The sun vaporises a drop of dew 24... Intertwined lovers in bliss on a couch Someone's sweetheart blown up by a bomb Father corrects his son's awful slouch A festival begins with aplomb 48... Under the shower, an unexpected moment of peace As a meteor collides with the moon Pent-up emotions finally find their release Mischievous baby throws down his spoon 60... Promises are broken and wishes are made, A cynic finds a four leaf clover Dolphins laugh, salaries are paid And one more minute ticks over... The soul would have no rainbows, had the eyes no tears. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Shireen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
i have no critical message for you, but i want to say i really, really enjoyed this poems variety. i liked its colourful moving from one subject to the next. i couldnt help but want to read more. in fact i'm putting this in my library, i found it so alive. thanks. lots of love, gemma xxxxxxxxxxx learning each day, for you and i, our paths have met, i've already learnt that you are love. |
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sweetwater Member
since 2002-12-16
Posts 178Perth |
The overall tone of the poem is nice and the words run well together but I feel this line 'While other banks' contents rise dangerously high' needs a different selection of words.. I can't quite place it exactly, but they fragmented the flow of the poem for me. I love this! "A cynic finds a four leaf clover" a simply classy image.  |
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