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Berry-Picking
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Berry-Picking |
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lauraheller New Member
since 2002-12-03
Posts 7Mississippi, USA |
Berry-Picking "Why don't you help Dad pick blueberries?" Walking out the back porch door, with a bang, memories of youth return feelings and images of berry-picking. My little hands picking the berries, some red, some blue, some green. "Don't get any red ones!" After my first day of blueberries, my bucket was full of red ones. "We said don't pick the red ones!" "But these ain't red; these are purple!" "They're red." Different shades of red, and I see the wrong shade. Other days were full of stains, blue splotches on my hot hands, my bare feet and my red face. If I squeezed too hard, the tiny berry would burst, oozing all over my hands. I'd come back in the house, camouflaged in blue stains. "It's a blueberry war, and the berries won!" Some days were full of peace. I'd look up at the leafy branches and see the blue sky above me. I tried to look at the face of God, but it was blocked out by an enormous blueberry. That berry I never could reach, not until now, ten years later. I pick it, and now I see. "Keep an eye out for fire-ant beds," is the only advice Dad gives me. It means so much more now, now that I am on my own, picking berries. Laura Anne Heller [This message has been edited by lauraheller (12-07-2002 03:50 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Laura Anne Heller - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
It seems to me that your speaker is at her childhood home after her father's death. I think this has potential, but is chock-full of redundancies- red, blue, blueberries, berries... I realize that the vernacular used in this is meant to be simple, but the repetition borders on maddenning, to me at least... and there are only so many synonyms you can use for colors before that becomes tiring as well- I would suggest looking to see where colors aren't as crucial, and implement some other kind of imagery or idea ot make this stonger- appeal to my other senses, smell, hearing, touch, taste (which would be suitable, considering the subject). Hope I've helped. |
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