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Remembering Feels of the Sand
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Remembering Feels of the Sand |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Remembering Feels of the Sand (a broken record) Remembering feels of the sand The way we are goes around land but always comes back to one strand Remembering feels of the sand. How strange life sifts through time's grave hand and turning thoughts wanting to view a knowing and a place to stand and solidly say "this is true!" Remembering feels of the sand the way we are once elsewhere spanned in different coigns and eyes once panned Remembering feels of the sand. The movements slide, the scenes fall through and water shakes, as wind wanders swirling with images anew alongst each hue the sight ponders. The way we are goes around land but always comes back to one strand [This message has been edited by Essorant (12-04-2002 07:57 PM).] |
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andromeda New Member
since 2002-12-02
Posts 5paris, france |
I like this. just a couple of things I noticed: "How strange life sifts through times grave hand" shouldn't it be "time's grave hand"? unless you want to make it up, but there is really no need to, coz "feels" are plural, not posessive. now you need to explain me something, too:  "...and eyes once panned", is that a reference to a bull's eye pan? maybe I'm just slow. "The movements slide, the scenes fall through" Slide and fall are very similar movements and for some clumsy people they are not distinguishable from one another  , thus they both provoke almost the same image in front of my eyes... but I might just not have enough feeling for the language, yet. Maybe you should consult someone else... |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Grand Merci. It's good to see you. You are right about "times grave hand." Its now ammended for you. Did I mean "bull's eye pan"...um..yes, yes. Just kidding I was just being simple, no metaphors, just "panned" as in survey and "united". Hope that it doesn't make it seem very dull now. It doesn't mean you can't percieve another way though I'll see if I can't find some better words to distinguish "fall" and slide a bit more sharply. Thank you again for reading and commenting. take care, Essorant [This message has been edited by Essorant (12-07-2002 10:06 PM).] |
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