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Shelter From the Storm
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Shelter From the Storm |
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ShadowRider Senior Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 1038USA 
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Shelter From the Storm not a world I haven’t traveled to and I ain’t even left Chicago yet a man is produce with luck, we’ll sell ourselves a million times before Gabriel blows his trumpet and the walls come tumblin’ down around him At nighttime I sleep with one eye open all the valuables I own tucked into my waistband for safekeeping It’s a disillusionment infirmary 5 acres of beds further than eyes dare to look at 5 acres of stories so real, nobody would read ‘em if a fool was foolish enough to write 'em It’s been 20 years since I seen a fifty 6 months since a twenty 36 hours since my last dinner of Malt 40 and don’t give me that puppy dog look of sympathy Jesus! God! You ain’t got nothin’ I need or can’t get! and 10 minutes of your time ain’t gonna do [edit] to get me outta this mess I got enemies I ain’t never seen terrorists of the shelter That’s why I take my chances on the street If you see me, and god forbid, my hand is out I ain’t askin’ for no charity, amigo, cause Lord knows I earned every penny [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (11-30-2002 01:05 PM).] |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
Hi! Try as I may I cannot find anything to improve on this poem. The dramatic monologue is very effectively written and is consistent throughout. The emotion intended is conveyed very effectively. As a reader it kept my interest. So congratulations on a very well-written poem! God bless! |
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ShadowRider Senior Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 1038USA |
Much obliged for the reading and analysis, Rad. You always have good suggestions. Do you think the title is too trite? I would be open to what you think might be alternative titles or titles that convey better the mood. The consistency of the wording i worked on extensively. I was hoping a personality would hopefully emerge from the wording: someone seemingly articulate that feels more at home in with street poetry talk. Happy Thanksgiving, Rad. We have the world in our pocket, and don't even know it. *smile Jeff |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
No, I find the title is in full harmony with the poem's intention. I like the title because it contradicts the very situation that the protagonist finds himself in--shelterless either on the street or within places that offer a place to stay. It also hints at a greater truth. True shelter must come from within--an inner strength that proviides it. So I would stay with that title. Actually, this is one of the best poems I have read on this forum in a very long time. I would try to get it published in some literary magazine. It would stand a good chance. IMHO God bless! BTW Be sure to capitalize that second "God" reference. Unless, of course there is a reason for not doing so of which I am unaware. [This message has been edited by Radrook (11-29-2002 04:02 AM).] |
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