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Critical Analysis #2
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Face
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Face |
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sjh New Member
since 2002-11-09
Posts 8Bucks., England |
Your face. Ugly. So cold and calculating. Thief. No mercy. Count what you have taken. Your image changes every second. You hate me. Bold and disapproving. Face. No body. Just hands that won't stop moving. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Stuart Handscombe - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Phaedrus Member
since 2002-01-26
Posts 180 |
Nice poem about a clock. The thief of time, I enjoyed. |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
Ohh, now it makes sense. Forget what I said then! "Sticks and stones will break my bones, |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
It is evident from the icon you chose that this is a poem about a clock, you have chosen to personify the clock. So that poem works on both levels, its about a person and its about a clock. I feel the main weakness of the poem that the two levels don’t successfully blend together, it should be as much about the person side as it is about the clock. “Your face. Ugly.” I like the short sentences, the fragmented feel mirrors the cold beats of the clock, However I feel that “Ugly” is far too strong to use in the opening line, remember calling someone “ugly” Is an insult, the reader’s sympathises will shift to the person/thing you have insulted, unless you back it up. Its too strong a statement no to back up. For this poem to work, the reader must see how the clock mocks you, controls you, steals moments from you, and to personify it adds power, especially if you personified it as a lover who has started dominating you, controlling what you do. “So cold and calculating”. Again why is the person/ thing so cold and calculating, How does it plot against you? “Thief. No mercy. Count what you have taken.” I like these lines a lot, here you have shown a reason to be angry at the clock. Maybe you could explore what it has stolen, how precious moments become memories that you can’t revisit, how moments you wish would last forever pass by so quietly. “Your image changes every second”. I like this a lot, this needs exploring though, it’s a central line in the poem, it helps in some way explain the frustration in the first stanza. “You hate me. Bold and disapproving” These line lack power because of the remarks in opening lines, if you call someone “ugly, cold and calculating” Its quiet insulting so their hatred is a normal response, “Bold and disapproving” make it sound like you are angered by this person’s defiance, by the fact that you can’t control them. This line could divide the reader’s sympathises. “No body. Just hands that won't stop moving.” I like these lines, but I feel that they don’t really tie up the poem, I think “no body” is too direct, hints too much that the poem is about a clock How about “disembodied,“ I like the mention of hands but “won't stop moving” is some what weak. Sure fidgety hands are annoying but hardly worthy of the anger you felt in the pervious lines. You need to explain how the hands control or taunt you Over all I like the piece, the style works but I think you need to explore the idea of personifying the clock in more detail. I used to make phantoms I could later chase images of all that could be desired then I got tired of counting all of these blessings"h.devoto magazine |
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Epicrean Junior Member
since 2002-11-17
Posts 16 |
"Your face. Ugly. So cold and calculating. Thief. No mercy. Count what you have taken. Your image changes every second. You hate me. Bold and disapproving. Face. No body. Just hands that won't stop moving." WOW I love this piece of art... I wish you would have explored on the second verse but other wise critque here is simple... KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK EPiC |
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