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Dormant Days
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Dormant Days |
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caterina Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 188Canada |
The Tulip tree is naked now, she bares her soul for all to see-- leaves abandoned her to become memories that gathered round her trunk to mingle with a flirting breeze, a reminder of summers dalliance, soon, they will scurry with the wind. It won't be long, snow will sprinkle like salt on her limbs, she will endure and with bared branches stand her ground against the cold, numb to painful pangs of loss. Her roots are deep, she will survive and reflect on how she flourished this past year, so bold her blandishments. For now; she bides her time, to put the past behind and wait patiently for new beginnings. caterina 30/10/02 |
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| © Copyright 2002 Carol Jane Bleichert - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Red Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 143Ca |
Hi Caterina! I like this, growth as a metaphor for 'life growth'? As for how I felt about this, I didn't necessarily feel that I loved it, or hated it, as I said above, I was in the middle and I liked it  My questions about it are as follows: the first and second groups of verses, I particularly liked, my only questions pertaining to the line: "she bares her soul for all to see".. what I wonder when I think about this line is the word soul.... how is it her soul? I see the allusion to the naked tree whose leaves have fallen off with fall (or at least this IS what I see whether intended or not) but I wonder about the word soul... does it belong here? If so, why? Perhaps an explanation may help me appreciate more? The only other question I have about this poem is about the line "so bold her blandishments." The rest I pretty much felt was ok and what I gathered from it was a metaphor and allusion to the speakers personal growth over the course of a year but my questions about this line were: The word 'blandishments'... why this word?.... first of all, is it a word? Or is blandishes the word? Second of all, are you talking about persuasive flattery and if so how does this pertain to the rest of your poem? That's about it. I liked this, thanks for the read...... oh wait, one last thing, the title. "Dormant Days".... maybe you could expand on why this for me further because I think I may be missing it? |
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caterina Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 188Canada |
Hi Red, Ahh, this poem was written on a bad day and unfortunately it shows. I was really hesitant in posting it and I wish now that I hadn't. Actually, the more experienced poets in this forum would probably say that this is a topic that has been done to death and I would probably agree, when I read it now, it doesn't say anything new or original really, think I need a break. Anyway, the title is in reference to a state of sleep/passing of time-- it was my intention to use it as a healing period. Basically, it is about a woman reflecting on her broken relationship-- hence memories/dalliance/blandishments and new beginnings, but your not going to know that unless I put that woman in the poem somewhere, right? Perhaps beginning it with something like She is like the Tulip tree, naked, baring her soul for all to see, days slip away like leaves and of course the rest will have to be revised accordingly. Thankyou for the crit Red and as to the forum being dead, I have to agree. When I joined in July it was quite busy but now everyone has disappeared. I am thinking of moving on to another site for more feedback, I need all the help I can get. Thanks again. caterina |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
This poem alternates between imges I really like or didn't like at all. 'The Tulip tree is naked now, she bares her soul for all to see--' Is there actually such a thing as a Tulip tree? Because I'm imagining like, this giant tulip towering over people, lol... not a good image to start with. I like the sound of it- the "T" alliteration has a good punch. The second line? Ack! 'leaves abandoned her to become memories that gathered round her trunk' I like this- makes me think of the conflcit of children leaving home- they become memories, but in some ways, they still cling closely to their mother. 'to mingle with a flirting breeze, a reminder of summers dalliance,' I like this too- dalliance is the absolute perfect word here. At first I didn't know about flirting, but if I think of it in the context of an Indian Summer breeze, it works. 'soon, they will scurry with the wind.' Hmmm... to me, scurry is almost too cheerful, but that's probably a personal taste thing. I'd have chosen something a little colder, a little sharper. 'It won't be long, snow will sprinkle like salt on her limbs,' Relly cool image. Salt makes me think of salt on open wounds, or sowing salt into the ground... very chilly. Very November. 'she will endure and with bared branches stand her ground against the cold, numb to painful pangs of loss. Her roots are deep, she will survive and reflect on how she flourished this past year, so bold her blandishments.' I find this part pretty bland, the only thing I like is that the cliches "stand her ground" and "roots are deep" have a physical basis. Maybe you could play up on this a little more- you might be able to add some flavor to this very 'telly' section. (And 'blandishments?' What does that mean? It's... in my opinion, a very clunky word, and I've never heard of it, and tried two sources but couldn't find a definition. I'd trash it.) 'For now; she bides her time, to put the past behind and wait patiently for new beginnings.' Yeah, this is a safe ending, sound.... why not go out on a further limb, to steal your metaphor? Your similies and metaphors earlier were cool- fun to read- but they taper off into something realtively plain. Maybe if you carried that punch over into the later sections of this? I think you have a good idea, and a really good beginning, but a very blase' conclusion. And by the way, the forum goes through its cycles. I've seen it much deader than this. Hope I've helped. |
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caterina Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 188Canada |
hush, I apologize for not getting back to you sooner, it's been a difficult month-- nothing is going right. As always your crits are very helpful. I will print this out and go over it more thoroughly at a quieter time. I do see what you mean with the last section being bland and I will probably work that area and try to bring it around. Thankyou again hush-- this was great. caterina PS yes, there is such a thing as a Tulip tree, it's buds are shaped like tulips and it has white bell like flowers. You made me chuckle though. [This message has been edited by caterina (11-12-2002 11:43 PM).] |
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