»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #2
»
Why not?
| Critical Analysis #2 |
|
Why not? |
|
|
Red Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 143Ca 
|
Reflecting Upon Images Eyes focused on an illusion flaccidly peering into languid versions of i enigmatically bereft caught in a timeless mimic this mirrored lie illusively beautiful obdurate self never free socially, forever a prisoner [This message has been edited by Red (10-31-2002 03:06 AM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2002 Melissa - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Nathan B New Member
since 2002-10-30
Posts 2 |
Red- I get the sense from reading this that the speaker is reminiscing over photographs, probably of his or her self. What I am not quite getting is what you mean by "socially, forever a prisoner". I think I understand what you were aiming toward with the captured image being a metaphor for "never free", but what I think I'm missing is what, in the image, would lead me to the conclusion that the person in the picture is socially aloof. I liked the poem, even considering the questions it left me. Nathan |
||
|
Red Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 143Ca |
Hi Nathan, thanks for responding!!! You know, I'm not sure about the line "socially, forever a prisoner" myself... I couldn't decide when I wrote this if 'social prisoner' or 'socially, forever a prisoner' worked better or even if it worked at all?lol I had an idea and I went with it on this one, but I'm still not sure if I think it is clear and if, overall, it worked.. but I really need to go to class now, I apologize for the short post and will address your questions later when I have more time..... happy halloween  |
||
|
Red Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 143Ca |
Nathan, What I had envisioned when I wrote this was a woman looking in a cracked mirror and contemplating her reflection... photograph would work on the same level though... the 'never free' and 'socially, forever a prisoner' part was what I had intended the main point of the poem to be and what I meant by that was basically that she can never see herself without the added pressures that society places on woman getting in the way and in turn it is like she is split and broken herself (her true self/ the self the world sees).. does that make sense? I think that's what I meant, sometimes I'm not sure myself.lol on an aside, where'd everybody go? This forum is a ghost town! |
||
|
caterina Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 188Canada |
Hi Red, I agree with Nathan that the speaker is looking at a photograph... and perhaps reflecting on the past... but the rest leaves me kinda wondering. Btw, should that be 'lanquid versions of me'-- sounds better, don't ya think? enigmatically bereft ** why? ** caught in a timeless mimic ** huh? ** this mirrored lie ** what is a mirrored lie? ** illusively beautiful ** who-- you or the lie? ** obdurate self ** do you mean hard-hearted? Is that what keeps you from being free perhaps and therefore making yourself a prisoner socially due to bitterness or stubborness? If that is the case then you are going to have to open up and give more info. ** never free socially, forever a prisoner. ** have no idea what this means ** Ok, Red-- I think you have to expand in order for the reader to get a grasp on this. I would say that it is too abstract perhaps and maybe some images would help you out here. You are telling the reader-- but the reader would like to see and be able to connect with what is being said. That is only my opinion though-- and you may not agree with me, but that's ok, because someone else may come by and say 'hey, I love this poem' and for very different reasons... but for me, I didn't connect, it did not leave me with any kind of feeling. I wish I could have been more positive-- but I will tell you that my first drafts always have problems-- I'm always revising, a lot. Anyway, hope I helped a little. caterina |
||
|
Red Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 143Ca |
Hi Caterina, First off, thank you so much for replying, I was starting to think that noone existed in this forum anymore!!!!! Now, to respond to your critique: 1: languid versions of me.... I agree, it does sound better but I was attempting, perhaps the attempt failed, but it WAS my intention that the first letter of every line spelt reflections on the way down and the last letter of every word on the way up spelt reflections, like a mirrored image, and therefore me would not work and don't laugh, but for the life of me, I could not think of any word other than the word I (except Italian words and scientific plurals like Fungi) that ended in the letter i. 2: "enigmatically bereft"...... I was attempting to say here that the speaker's mirrored image appeared to have lost something (her true self) and that the speaker looking at her was unaware of this and was drawn to something missing though she did not know what it was 3: "caught in a timeless mimic".... it's a mirror image of herself therefore it's a mimic that never changes and is timeless (I'm full of it.lol) 4: "this mirrored lie".... she's looking at herself and realizes that her image is a lie... she see's herself in terms of how society judges her, which is not who she reallly is, and therefore, is a lie. (still full of it.lol) 5: "illusively beautiful"... she sees that she is beautiful but is unable to admit it because according to society's terms perhaps she isn't 6: "obdurate self".. yes, she is hard hearted and is finally admitting it to herself. she is cynical, tainted by 'life's' view of who she is 7: never free.... Nathan touched on part of this... never free because it is a trapped reflection of herslef and because she is constrained (better word? its late I don't know) by society's view of who she is and the rest I touched on in my previous response. So, in conclusion. (such awful words.) I want to say thank you so much for replying Caterina because I think that I had an idea when I did this and if you , as a reader, didnt' understand it, perhaps my attempt on this one failed and I should move on to another or rework this to be more clear ?! I would like to see if anyone else feels that I even remotely achieved what I was aiming for but I don't know that anyone is in here anymore? "Is there anybody out there" Ok, back to your repsonse, thank you Caterina, of course you helped and any opinion is always a valid one, especially if I want to grow as a writer, and don't worry about being positive, sometimes negativity will be a good kick in the *** to get someone in the right direction! ---- Melissa |
||
|
ashley Junior Member
since 2002-10-31
Posts 10U.S. |
Red This was a very good poem. I kinda felt as if the speaker was looing at a picture of herself and felt as if she was a prisoner who had to keep up a image that is not true, but only you know what the poem was wrote about and for some writers the words come from no where and you have no clue where. You just have to study and look deep the meaning will usually pop up. Write for yourself and take other's critisim in stride, for if your not true to yourself why write at all? |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
