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Critical Analysis #2
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To The Point
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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To The Point |
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TJDoat Junior Member
since 2002-09-29
Posts 26 |
"Do you know? Could you? No........ " "I don't understand" "Of course not, and that, of course, is the point" "I'm afraid you've lost me" "I never had you, If you are lost.................. you have lost yourself." "I've lost myself............?" "Exactly. Admitting it, is afterall, the first step." "Ok, now I truly am lost" "Not just now, for awhile now, perhaps a long while" "WHAT?!" "Good, you are learning.......... no man has all of the answers." "Look, all I want you to do is tell me what it is you are talking about." "My point exactly." "Ok, I give up, this all nonsense, will you at least get to the point.............." "You already did.................. Are you so blind, that you can't even see, that you are blind?" ............................................. All thoughts, comments, and errrr questions appreciated. -Jason |
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| © Copyright 2002 Jason Weiesnbach - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
I thoroughly enjoyed this fine poem. The dialogue is convincing in its tone. I could feel the frustration of both these speakers. I especially liked the subtle characterization projected by the manner in which they differed in their responses to each other. Very, very good in my book. Thanks for sharing! [This message has been edited by Radrook (10-22-2002 12:58 AM).] |
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Capricious Member
since 2002-09-14
Posts 89California, USA |
Please don't take this is an insult, but this reminded me of Monty Python. Specifically the skit called "argument clinic:" "This isn't an argument." "Yes it is." "No it isn't." "Yes it is." "No, it isn't an argument at all, it's just contradiction .." "No it isn't." Etc ... I enjoyed, though the steadily growing ellipses were a bit annoying, even if they did represent steadily longer pauses. |
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SimplyGold Senior Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 1453 |
TJDoat, First, let me say that I too, enjoyed this poem. It reminded me a lot of the kind of idologue I used to have with my X  There is really nothing to critque that would have made this poem any better as far as I'm concerned. It works for me. Why? The visual flow of the words lends to the nonsensical spirit. It is what provides me with, let's say the frame. The piece to me is surrealist. I don't know if that was your intention but, that is what it is to me. Very "Kafka" I personally, like visual expressions of thoughts in action. Brings me back to the time when experimenting and rebelling against convention was cool! Thanks for posting. SG |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Of course it's an interesting monologue, but i fear far too familiar to stand out in any serious fashion. You did well rendering the inherent confusion / frustration of such a conversation (I think Capricious' take is similar to mine), but it just doesn't have that extra "umph" to take it the long mile. Perhaps you could see about modifying what you have here (which is fairly cliche as an idea) and distort it in a unique direction? |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
This is how I see your poem: I think that the psychological aspect is the point here. The subtle and not so subtle tug and struggle between these two personalities. The understatements and chesslike verbal maneuverings. The hinting at something more via insinuations. The imminent danger of a relationship about to be dissolved. The frustration of two minds reaching out but unable to touch one another significantly. The moaning-like cry of desperation that is the ever-present undercurrent of this dialogue. The unstated appeal to the reader to ponder this and see that in human relationship there is much more than the physical or the material dimension necessary to keep a relationship intact. In short, via showing you are telling which is far more interesting and much more effective than the preachy style poems that do the opposite. This is not meant in any way to devalue all the other opinions given so far. Each reader reacts slightly different from the others to a poem and though the differences may sometimes be subtle they are at other times diametrically opposed. [This message has been edited by Radrook (10-24-2002 03:13 AM).] |
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TJDoat Junior Member
since 2002-09-29
Posts 26 |
Sometimes it is more important to ask questions than offer answers: "Do you know? Could you? No........ " "I don't understand" "Of course not, and that, of course, is the point" ...................................................................................... Originally posted by Capricious: Please don't take this is an insult, but this reminded me of Monty Python. Specifically the skit called "argument clinic:" I don't think I could ever take being compared to a Python skit an insult  . This is actually based off of the skit "Who's on First", because there is in fact a 'Who' on first here. Originally posted by SimplyGold: The piece to me is surrealist. I don't know if that was your intention but, that is what it is to me. That is almost always my intention............... Originally posted by Christopher: Of course it's an interesting monologue, but i fear far too familiar to stand out in any serious fashion. You did well rendering the inherent confusion / frustration of such a conversation (I think Capricious' take is similar to mine), but it just doesn't have that extra "umph" to take it the long mile. Perhaps you could see about modifying what you have here (which is fairly cliche as an idea) and distort it in a unique direction? First of all, of course it's cliche, it's based on the Laurel and Hardy skit, which has probably been re-rendered a thousand times since it was first done, in many different forms.......... I wrote this to illustrate a point. I also left it purposely confusing to do the same. I personally don't understand aircraft mechanics, but if I where to have to offer my opinion on it, I would therefore have to familiarize myself with it. At least to the point that I have a good enough grasp of what is going on to something intellegent to say. I read Burroughs for years before I understood him, I thought his writing poor at best, and incoherent at worst. I only had to hear him reading aloud once, for it all to click in place. I can't to this day read a poem of his without having his halting, slurred, rough voice going through my mind. ........................................... Sometimes it is more important to ask questions than offer answers............... -Jason |
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TJDoat Junior Member
since 2002-09-29
Posts 26 |
Radrook, 'Chess like', I like that......... Always up for a game, do you play online anywhere? -Jason |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
Hi! Yes, I am a member of the (ICC) or Internet Chess Club. Have played about 7,000 standard games and 5,000 Blitz games there since becoming a member. Newcomers can play as guests for one week. Any further info can be found at: Internet Chess Club - ... With over 25,000 paying members from all over the world, Chessclub.com is the longest running and most vibrant chess community on the internet. ... http://www.chessclub.com/ BTW Chess has been said to be akin to both mathematics and to music. Music, of course is part of poetry's lyrical charm. So there perhaps is a subtle connection betweeen the twain. [This message has been edited by Radrook (10-24-2002 05:54 PM).] |
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Red Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 143Ca |
I liked this. I felt as though you pretty much summed up what I perceived to be as your meaning in the first lines which I felt to be very to the point indeed!: "Do you know? Could you? No........ " Basically, that is what I gathered from your poem, the old refrain of 'questions, questions, questions' and never any answers. The jumble of your form very much like the jumble of life..... "Good, you are learning.......... no man has all of the answers." While I think this is an often adressed 'issue '(more appropriate word?) I also think that it is an important one that some people never grasp. "You already did.................. Are you so blind, that you can't even see, that you are blind?" Definately to the point!!! Again, I liked it. |
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