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Speaking in Tongues
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Speaking in Tongues |
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TJDoat Junior Member
since 2002-09-29
Posts 26 |
She speaks in togues she says it helps, then she always says that she'll come round and see you, another day when she gets paid. We'll go out, we'll have a good time then, we'll sit and laugh thinking back talking of the good old days and all our friends. We'll say we're feeling fine as we toast the wine, and wonder where the time has gone say "it's been far too long...... you know that you can come here anytime". Late at night when there's no one home and she's sitting in the darkness feeling all alone, she wispers that sometimes it seems she lives a life of waking dreams wishing she was someone else, somewhere else. She speaks in tongues, she says it helps. -Jason |
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| © Copyright 2002 Jason Weiesnbach - All Rights Reserved | |||
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lizzy-luv Junior Member
since 2002-10-12
Posts 20new hampshire..oh, the hicks abound |
I'm not sure why, but that really hit a chord in me. Maybe I'm a real sucker for the melencholy (I suck at spelling). But I really liked your flow. The subject (she) could use a little further addressing, though. The longing (intended or otherwise) for broken things really spoke from your words. I don't know, I can't really put my finger on it, but I really liked your piece. 'everyone is broken by something they love and worship'(Fransesca Lia Block) |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
its nice. you bring over the mood well. the problem is that its very prosaic. the stanzas read like run on sentences and the whole poem like a paragraph. |
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billiegail New Member
since 2002-10-17
Posts 8East Texas, USA! |
Real good poem. Reminds me of someone........ Jesus is The Only Way, The Only Truth, and the Only way to having Eternal Life! |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
Hi! I enjoyed reading this poem. It has drama created via conflict which is very important in keeping the reader reading and engrossed in the poem's message. Thanks for sharing! The poem can be polished a little here and there. So here are my suggestions in brackets. She speaks in [tongues[.]] [S]he says it helps[.] [T]hen she always says that she'll come round and see [me][] another day when she gets paid. We'll go out, [Now the pronoun "we" fits in with the "me" and there is no contradiction.] []have a good time. [T]hen[] we'll sit and laugh thinking back[,] talking of the good old days and all our friends. ["...good old days...." might be viewed as a cliche.] We'll say we're feeling fine as we toast the wine, and wonder where the time has gone[.] [I'll] say, "[It's] been far too long...... You know that you [were welcomed] here anytime." Late at night when there's no one home and she's sitting in the darkness feeling all alone, she [whispers] that sometimes it seems she lives a life of waking dreams wishing she was someone else, somewhere else. She speaks in tongues[.] [She] says it helps. -Jason [The last part is perfect as it stands.] [This message has been edited by Radrook (10-18-2002 05:34 PM).] |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
I notice that your poem has strong religious connotations. I was once a Pentecostal and viewed firsthand the speaking in tongues associated with that denomination. Ironically, I always found it frightening. So as I approached this poem I was expecting something along those lines. But after reading it several times, I fail to see the connection between the religious speaking in tongues and the woman you describe as depressed. Is the reference to her speaking in tongues a reference to her false promises of visiting the speaker? If so, then why would she tell the speaker that this lying helps? Wouldn't that expose her cover as a liar? After all, if I lie and tell you that I do it cause it helps me--then my promises will no longer be believed. So I am still in a bit of a quandary about the poem's meaning though I did enjoy both its imagery and the strong suspenseful mood it created. |
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TJDoat Junior Member
since 2002-09-29
Posts 26 |
This is actually about someone I know. She turned to me one day and said "You know sometimes I speak in tongues, it helps". So thats all there really is to that, except that she's always been a tad left of center in general. As far as any religious meaning here, there really isn't any intended....... Radrook: The changes you suggested are good, and I think I will make a number of them or at least something similiar(especially on my punctuation, it is sometimes lacking  ). Thanks, everyone, for all of the comments, and sorry I haven't responded sooner, it's been a long week. -Jason |
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