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Juliet
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Juliet |
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lizzy-luv Junior Member
since 2002-10-12
Posts 20new hampshire..oh, the hicks abound |
Juliet, so you're running on your own now. Juliet, so you're suddenly strong now. Suddenly secure andsureand full of trust and daring. loss'll seep in.> >And the Juliet, so you want things to stay the same? ;This is only about me and him.; Are you realizing this apathy yet? Crush yourself into a space and see if you break first. Juliet, so you think it still matters? ;Are we still gonna get together?; No, that we are not, Drama-Princess. Wrap in your shell and your magazines and your myth. but this Romeo's going the other way. Looking at your toes. Like you're trying to touch mine. Squirming away from your crashing Shakespearian performance. Throat broken, Romeo stands to leave. 'love is a dangerous angel'(Fransesca Lia Block) |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
This reminds me of Nicole Blackman. I don't know if you've ever heard of her, in fact, I'm not exactly sure how well she's known. The tone here, however, really reminds me of her. 'Juliet, so you're running on your own now.' I'll say that I really like this first line. However, I don't see what the relevance is to the play? They were never really running together- I mean, I guess you could say they were both running from their families' hatred of each other, and their views of reality, but they never got beyond the planning stages of actually running away together. The only scene I can identify this with is the last one, where she wakes up to see him die. Which, with the next stanza, I guess makes sense: 'Juliet, so you're suddenly strong now. Suddenly secure andsureand full of trust and daring.' Okay, so she wakes up, sees him die, but instead of killing herself right after him, she's strong? I don't know if this is what you intended, but it's what I'm getting from it. (BTW, not sure if the 'andsureand' is intentional, but I like it.) 'loss'll seep in.> >And the' So is this just a weird way of structuring 'And the loss'll sleep in'? That's the only sense I can make of it. Not really sure how I feel... I personally think it would be better if you just laid the words out in chronological order. But, there's always something to be said for new ways of structuring things... By the way- I really like that line, that is, if it's what you intended. 'Juliet, so you want things to stay the same? ;This is only about me and him.; Are you realizing this apathy yet? Crush yourself into a space and see if you break first.' The way I am beginning to understand this (I do this all the time, decide what I think of a poem as I'm critiquing it) is as an argument she's having in her head? The sarcastic, self-critical voice saying things like "So you're strong now, eh? Don't you see?" And her hurt emotional voice just trying to deal with what's going on. I have to say I LOVE: 'Crush yourself into a space and see if you break first.' 'Juliet, so you think it still matters? ;Are we still gonna get together?; No, that we are not, Drama-Princess.' This section seems to hint that the other voice in the poem, the one addressing Juliet, as actually Romeo. I personally don't like these few lines, I think the first couple are rather plain, but workable, if not for the last one in this section, which reads as very pompous. Maybe the point is that Romeo is pompous, but it reads very clumsily. 'Wrap in your shell and your magazines and your myth.' In my opinion, this almost borders on an elitism. Her shell, magazines, and myth are tossed off as insults without the reader ever being told why they are actually insulting. I mean, hey, I like magazines, y'know? It's a potentially alienating thing when the writer makes generalizations like this- so Juliet has a shell. Did something bad happen to her? IS her myth self-protection? What magazines does she read? Could be, like, Business World or something, right? I think that if you are going to keep these items as (what i read to be) insults, you need to explain why- otherwise you are writing an assumption- that being that your readers will all agree on these items as insulting. I think that that explanation would probably take too long, becomeing another poem on its own. I think that these lines could be cut without losing the point or flow of the poem. 'but this Romeo's going the other way.' Not spectacular, but okay. 'Looking at your toes. Like you're trying to touch mine.' Liked this part quite a bit. 'Squirming away from your crashing Shakespearian performance. Throat broken, Romeo stands to leave.' I don't like what I think this implies- that Juliet has a responsibility to follow in Romeo's footsteps. He's dead, she should be too. And when she doesn't kill herself to come along with him, he (or his ghost, or her conscience, or whatever) leaves her, like she did something wrong. Now, do I like it in the context of the poem? Not sure... I guess that depends on wheter you're exploring characters or trying to make this exploration connect to a real-life moral- and what that moral would be. Anyway, I found this interesting, a little confusing (Not nearly so much as Chris' Multiplcity, though... seems like I'm eternally confused lately. Maybe it's just me?) but definitely fun and worth the time it takes to look into it and try to figure out what you're saying. You do have some really great lines in here- I think a little tightening would highlight them more, but as it is, the poem's already pretty tight. Well... anyway, welcome to the CA forum, and I hope I've helped. |
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lizzy-luv Junior Member
since 2002-10-12
Posts 20new hampshire..oh, the hicks abound |
aright, points all taken. maybe i miscontextualized (that is definitely not a word) this poem. the idea was that it is sort of f/a betrayed romeo's point of view (w/more than a little gender-bending as i'm female and cast as romeo). it follows not at all the story of our famous lovers, but rather takes f/our culture's imbedded concepts. sort of placing them in modern day, if you will. semi-colons are juliet's direct words (yes, she really has said them). this should rather be titled romeo's invective, i think. she is not at all implied to follow. rather, fulfill or at least apologize for her promises. romeo is in a very hurt position. i need to totally scrap this and rewrite it, i think. but i will look up the poet you mentioned. 'everyone is broken by something they love and worship'(Fransesca Lia Block) |
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lizzy-luv Junior Member
since 2002-10-12
Posts 20new hampshire..oh, the hicks abound |
Now that it's not midnight, let's see if I can give you a real response. I still think I'm just gonna scrap the whole thing and rewrite it, though. There really is no relevence to the play. I'm sorry, I maybe should've made that more clear. Juliet running on her own is a reference to her leaving Romeo's protection and trust, though. The next stanza is also Romeo's unhappy invective at her completely passing him by. He's scorning her thoughts that she is suddenly so world-wise. But she has no experience to breed this knowledge. 'Andsureand' was quite intentional. I don't space words that repeat like that. Yes, that's supposed to be '>and the loss'll seep in>.' I was messing with the structure, but I might make it legible. Aright, the debate occurring isn't Juliet with herself, but Romeo's mind thinking about Juliet's words. The semi-colons indicate quotes. I hate quotation marks and mostly refuse to use them. Does the 'drama-princess' line read as pompous? I should prolly tone that down a bit, then. But the point behind it is sort of that Juliet's running away just to have something to talk about. Just to spite Romeo's love. His narrative bitterness is sort of supposed to reflect that. Her shell was her innocence. She throws it away for spite. A stupid reason to do anything. Her magazines are all of the things she buys into from our culture that convince she's not oky. They aren't posative. They ingrain into her her own theoretical inferiority. After a certain point, they have become her. Her myth is the whole concept of star-crossed lovers--she believes it. And then, when it's convenient, throws it back away. Her myth is known to be myth; even to her. Aright, i especially wanted to clear up the last stanza. Because the implication will never ever be in my writing that Juliet needs to follow Romeo. The implication was rather that Romeo is giving up after spending too much time being battered apart by an apathetic Juliet who has fallen head over heels for an even more apathetic man. The point is that Romeo's too betrayed to save her when the man she chose over him breaks her. Juliet's broken Romeo. Thank you so much for your response. The depth with which you looked at this poem was incredible. Thank you. I've repeated myself a couple times here, but just read this note, then, and not last night's. 'everyone is broken by something they love and worship'(Fransesca Lia Block) |
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Robtm1965 Member
since 2002-08-20
Posts 263 |
Lizzy I won't comment on this poem as you are proposing to re-write, however I just wanted to say how pleasant it is to see someone post a poem and then take the time not only to thank the reviewer (and I agree it was an excellent job Hush), but also to try and explain what they were doing. Welcome to CA! Rob |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I can see what you're doing with rbinging character elements into the poem, but the thing is, when you name the characters Romeo and Juliet, the reader is naturally going to assimiliate with the play. Maybe it would be easier to introduce the personality quirks by using a similie (LIKE Romeo and Juliet) rather than a metaphor- and I can't believe I just suggested that because I'm almost always telling people they should turn their similies INTO metaphors- but in this case, I think the suggestion would be more effective than using the roles completely out of context. |
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