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Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

0 posted 2002-09-25 09:52 AM

I read them again,
words penned over time
and saved in files for no other reason
than the fact I could not part
with them any more
than I could part with the feelings
so tightly woven into the warp
of each.

Some no longer held vivid color
and were faded from over exposure,
while others lingered in the weave
Of wanting.

“How pathetic am I?”

Each a string on the loom
set colors mottling into unpleasing patterns,
still,
I was reluctant to cut the ties
And unravel the threads.

I read them again,
depositing first this one,
then that,
into the scraps,
for sewing into patchwork.

Later perhaps…

in preservation of
experience's mosaic colors.

For now,
I read them again,
Looking to wrap around me anything
Reminding me of warmth.

[This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (09-25-2002 12:50 PM).]

Radrook
Senior Member

since 2002-08-09

Posts 648

1 posted 2002-09-25 04:21 PM

I like this poem's metaphor of words woven with fabrics of emotions. I also like how this its rhythm helps create a strong dramatically pensive mood!

Here are a few suggestions for your evaluation:

I read them again,
words penned over time...
saved in files [because]
I could not part
with them no more than
I could part with []feelings tightly woven into the warp of each.

Some no longer held vivid color
and were faded from over exposure.
Others lingered in the weave
Of wanting.

[Euphony via alliteration-nice!]

[“How pathetic I am!” If written as a question it promises explanations not given.]

Each a string on the loom
set colors mottling into unpleasant pattern[s][.]

[S]till,
I was reluctant to cut the ties
And unravel the threads.

I read them again,
depositing first this one,
then that [one]
into the scraps
for sewing [a] patchwork.

Later perhaps…

[for]preservation of
experience's mosaic colors.

Now,
I read them again,
Looking to wrap around me anything
Reminding me of warmth.

[This message has been edited by Radrook (09-25-2002 04:24 PM).]

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

2 posted 2002-09-26 07:45 AM

Thank you for the recommendations...I can see that you have an eye for using words in an effective and measured way. I like the changes...and will save them with this piece for rework..

Red
Member

since 2000-01-01

Posts 143
Ca

3 posted 2002-10-31 01:05 PM

Hi,
I was reading all the old posts in here and I just had to tell you how much I liked this one. I have no critic at all and just wanted to say that I love this!
"Some no longer held vivid color
and were faded from over exposure,
while others lingered in the weave
Of wanting."
beautiful.

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

4 posted 2002-11-05 02:42 PM

Thanks for bringing this back up Red. I guess I missed it the first time around.

I love the extended metaphor Ron. Very well executed. Rad's suggestions look pretty good too although I like it fine as presented.

Thanks,
Pete

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