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Critical Analysis #2
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Adam's Rib (or Eve's Passion)
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Adam's Rib (or Eve's Passion) |
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Kunoichi Junior Member
since 2002-08-17
Posts 10US of A |
The forbidden fruit of your mouth wields endlessly The playground of my rose-colored imagination. Sweet peach pit I call your tongue, Sweet love I call my own. Vagrant feet travel upon the dew-kissed grass Of an infinite garden, a forgotten Eden. Shall I meet you there, flesh of my flesh? Shall I find you in my secret dream? Cover me; drown me in the saliva of your love. Entrap me within the slender branches of your hands. Share your every want with me, Share your forbidden fruit.. ..with me.. The one whose very breath you share 'neath eternal stars and even more untold wishes. Caress the tip of this alien rib, Caress the very fruit of your vine. Stardust rained upon your stark nudity, God planting the seed that would make me. And He watched in wonder at His creation, And He watched me cover you in our completeness. Man of God, of Earth, and pure soil, Put together the jigsaw of our bodies. Your name is etched within my breast, Your name, the life and blood of your name flows.. ..in me.. |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
There are many carnal desires expressed in this poem. The references to "mouth wielding" "tongue" "saliva covering" "stark nudity" "untold wishes" "fruit tip kissings" and the "caressing satisfying every want" in my opinion, tilt the emotional atmosphere of the poem preponderantly toward the lust side rather than to the unselfish love side. If indeed this was the poem's intended focus--then OK. But if its intended focus was to convey a pure love devoid of all lustful passions, then the physical side expressions need to be toned down a little. BTW To me, the reference to God creating and then standing back and watching what seems to be the procreative act conjures up the image of a lustful God vicariously enjoying the forbidden desires of his creation. Of course, the same description given within another context would probably NOT conjure up this negative image. But within the context of the many previous carnally-inclined statements it does. Explanation: The last stanza obviously expresses that Eve wishes to have sex (I would rather say "make love") to Adam. But the last two lines reveal that she does love him..that he is more to her than a fleshly body. Response: Yes, I know. That is exactly the point. Expressions of true love are intermingled with what can easily be understood as double entendre statements of carnal desire to such an extent that the reader might have difficulty forming a clear-cut picture of which one predominates. I personally came away feeling that lust predominated. Another reader might see it differently--of course. Also, if Eve is to be understood as the speaker, then this must be made absolutely clear before the last stanza. Unfortunately, the protagonist's previous reference to "flesh of my flesh and bone of my bones" tends to conclusively identify the speaker as Adam. This is because (as you know) the Bible tells us that it was Adam who uttered those words and not Eve. Of course, Eve might have repeated them later. But only Adam is described as saying them in a moment of inspired elation. So the inevitable reader reaction is to identify the speaker as Adam instead of Eve. So this is something that might need to be modified a little. There is also the very relevant question of whether Eve is speaking after or before the fall. If before the fall, then her focus on sex seems a bit out of kilter with her traditionally assumed innocence. If after the fall, then her reference to forbidden fruit comes across as very sinister and ironic since humanity has suffered horribly. Dragging her husband down into sin for this forbidden fruit was certainly not a loving thing to do. Perhaps it is simply that Eve is not such a good example of unselfish love or Godly reverence due to her disobediently and selfishly persuading Adam to join her in sin. 1 Corinthians 13 4 "Love is.... not self-seeking,,,,," The last stanza is really beautifully expressed! The only difficulty I had was visualizing who is doing the putting together. The way the sentence reads it seems as if the man Adam is doing the putting together. I suggest perhaps preceding the verb "put" with the noun "God" in order to increase clarity by avoiding contradiction. Also, the repetition of the noun "name" should be avoided. Perhaps "your essence flows through me" would be better and would minimize repetition of the same sound." "Man of God, of Earth, and pure soil, God put together the jigsaw of our bodies. Your name is etched within my breast, The essence of your life and blood courses...in me." God bless! 1 Timothy 2:14 And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. Romans 5:12 Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned– [This message has been edited by Radrook (08-29-2002 11:55 AM).] |
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Kunoichi Junior Member
since 2002-08-17
Posts 10US of A |
Eep, it wasn't supposed to be lustful. At least, not that much. I guess it all depends on how people understand it. It must be obvious that this is a very personal poem to me. So, certain things mean certain things and could be taken for something else. The poem is supposed to convey love, but I guess I failed on that part. Ermm..lemme see. "Forbidden fruit." There's two meanings to that. There's actually two meanings for almost everything in the poem. That was kind of my intention. "Forbidden fruit" stands for something similar to "fruit of the Spirit" in reference to the Holy Spirit. She wants to know his mind and everything that no one else but God could no. It also stands for his part in the consummation of love. In the first stanza, "sweet peach pit I call your tongue." Once again, that has two meanings. The first being that she enjoys his words, the things that he says, what he expresses to her. But at the same time, it has a need in it. She wants to know him in every way possible. So, kissing has a definite role here. Also, saliva. I chose "saliva of your love" because the work that it does is to "break down starches and lubricate ingested food." What I was thinking was that it breaks down and lubricates the difficulties of love, of marriage. Through everything, their love is superior and all the negatives cannot come through. Saliva was, in absolutely no way, supposed to convey some part of a sexual act, but I can definitely see why it would seem to. Another point: God CREATED sex. (Yea, I'm Christian.) He wanted there to be one man, one woman, one lifetime. Sex is a part of the whole package. Now, in the fifth stanza that illustrates Eve's creation, He watches at what He has made..a companion for Adam because His other creations were not suitable. He made someone from the body of another and they were joined, not just physically, but spiritually. They have fellowship with one another, serving God together. The line that says "cover you in our completeness" DOES NOT only illustrate the act of love, but also that both halves now make one whole. The last stanza obviously expresses that Eve wishes to have sex (I would rather say "make love") to Adam. But the last two lines reveal that she does love him..that he is more to her than a fleshly body. His name is etched within her breast because she has HIS rib and his name flows through her very veins because she was made from HIM. I really do appreciate your critique. I never thought about it in those ways. I guess I was a bit ditzy there.  Thanks so much. It really means a lot to get such an analysis. |
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YeshuJah Member
since 2002-08-20
Posts 65FL USA |
Kun, this poem reaches but never quite articulates all that you intended to say, at least not in the way you seem to want it said. I suggest you cut it down and really concentrate on communicating what it is you want to say. IMO |
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caterina Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 188Canada |
Hi Kunoichi, I too found your write to be on the lustful side. For instance, take the following: -forbidden fruit -sweet peach pit I call your tongue -flesh of my flesh -saliva of your love -forbidden fruit again -caress the very fruit of your vine and so on. I think this would be considered erotic, I think. Lust is a strong desire for sexual gratification and love is a warm affection-- making love-- as opposed to lust. You have to find new and moving ways to express this feeling of love. The way two people touch softly, the cooing of words, the secure feeling you have when your together, well....you get what I mean. Try to make every word count and try not to use too many adjectives. This is quite long and I would suggest that you start out on a smaller scale. Perhaps an extended metaphor. Anyway, hoped this helped. Keep writing. caterina |
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TradingSpaces19 Member
since 2002-08-31
Posts 134Arvada, Colorado |
This poem is very good, so keep it up! If you read my poems be sure to reply and give me some comments, thank you. |
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geenabee Member
since 2002-09-10
Posts 59NC--USA |
Coming from a woman's perspective, we have been called the bringer of man's destruction or something of that nature since the garden. I read the poem and the crit following, and I just want to say how glad I am that you put the vibrant sensual scenes in these lines. I have been searching for a way to express the beauty of the male form for some time; I think there's room for women poets who embrace their sensuality and associate it with purity...pink ribbons from hawthorne's goodman brown seem to pop in my mind. This is a sweeping expression of eden's carnal fall. I think that it could be a little clearer, as has been stated, as to who is nararrating the first little bit. but maybe you've addressed that already. anyhow, leave in the lusticle parts, I liked them. glad ta read ya, geenabee |
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