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Grace
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Grace |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Grace Fairest Muse of strains most dulcified, like a breeze on watersprawls, of glide brisking their manes to a singular tide so they heave hence conjunct, in one strong pride, even so thy versed fingers on poet-strings harp with sweetsome love - beauty's ichor that sings. And as curious chrysalised worms are tried pay homage to thee, then with wings are deified, alike do poets in thy tunes adoring flourish to an imago and rise soaring. The poet's ken is wide-wandering the poet's art is coruscating, because thou Grace, are aye amending of tender pace and patience tending. |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
Nice poem. [This message has been edited by Radrook (08-17-2002 11:42 PM).] |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
As person poetic and antiquarian I believe in preserving words, styles and meanings of all ages, and am loth to let any go extinct, for lack of usage, I can't conform to modernism because I admire certain fashions of the past too much and often more than than those the present day. I don't believe this is overmuch "old" for any modern reader if it is it is unfortunate that readers are becoming so detached that it gets too awkward. Now I feel like I'm over reactiing a bit, I'm just a bit edgy of late. I appreciate your taking the time to read and comment though. Thank you. Essorant. |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I think this is pretty, but confusing. 'Fairest Muse of strains most dulcified, like a breeze on watersprawls, of glide' I like this. 'brisking their manes to a singular tide so they heave hence conjunct, in one strong pride,' What 'they' are you referring to? Strains? Watersprawls? The Muse is singular, so if that was your intended reference, you have to change 'they' to a singular pronoun. Also- what are they heaving? 'even so thy versed fingers on poet-strings harp with sweetsome love - beauty's ichor that sings.' Without knowing what they are heaving in the previous line, the 'even so' loses me a bit- I don't understand what you're driving at. Are you saying that you are writing a poem in spite of the Muse's pride? 'And as curious chrysalised worms are tried pay homage to thee, then with wings are deified,' Tried for what? Are the butterflies the Muses, or a seperate image? If they are seperate, it's really a totally different image to introduce... if they are the muses, it needs to be clarified. 'alike do poets in thy tunes adoring flourish to an imago and rise soaring.' So poets are like butterflies. Okay, I get it, I even like it... but what does it have to do with Muses? 'The poet's ken is wide-wandering the poet's art is coruscating, because thou Grace, are aye amending of tender pace and patience tending.' I think these lines are extraneous. It's like your trying to tell us what you've already tried to show us. If I were you, I'd clarify some of these things.... you don't have to modernize your language to do so, although I'd really recomend more modern pronouns than 'thy' and 'thou'- it's just distracting... try to make a clearer connection between the butterflies and the Muse(s), and clear up the first few lines, and this is actually kind of cool... I do like the unique way you present imagery, and the unique images you present... Hope I've helped. I am writing graffiti on your body |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
Hi Hush, Thanks for taking the time to read my piece and share your thoughts. "Their manes" is referring to the manes -the crests, or spirits of the watersprawls. I was trying to limn them being like lions gathering into a pride, using the verb 'heave' without an object, intranstively. I'm not sure if it was mistake saying "breeze" though for "fingers"? Can plural fingers be like a singular breeze? Or should it be "breezes"? "Even so" is an emphasis on "like" at the beginning and means "very much in this manner" as: a breeze moves crests of waves on a strand. I just liked the sound of it! You caught me with "tried"! Would "abide" work better? I was going to say "then butterflied" in the next line until I realized the verb "butterfy" actually means "to cut and open up shrimp"! Shrimp--Yuk! I'm glad you enjoyed the read and imagery. take care, Essorant [This message has been edited by Essorant (08-17-2002 09:45 PM).] |
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vellamike New Member
since 2002-08-17
Posts 7 |
I personally dont realy think its much of a poem...nice imagery and all but a poem...no. I may not be one to speak of course, its just what i think. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hello Wamba. I was just wondering if you'd familiarised yourself with our guidelines? I suggest you do. Let me help you along with that process, here's the section on Personal Attacks, which I believe you need to read: 'It is perfectly acceptable to disagree with concepts, ideas, themes, and even choice of words. It is even okay to do so vehemently. What is not acceptable and will never be acceptable is to turn disagreements into attacks against an individual. Personal attacks will not be tolerated. This policy is an obvious extension of Respect & Tolerance, and in most cases it is unambiguous. At times, however, there is a fine line between attacking an idea and allowing it to become an attack against a person. If you explain why a particular post makes little sense to you, that is fine. If you simply call someone's words stupid, by inference you are calling them stupid and turning it into a personal attack. Attaching derogatory labels, even to a concept, will often result in exactly the kind of behavior we are trying to discourage. Treat other people with Respect, and diverse ideas with Tolerance, and you will rarely find yourself crossing that line.' I doubt that Essorant and Hush appreciate the insults you have hurled at them, for no apparent reason other than that Essorant's poem doesn't appeal to you - in fact, Wamba, not many will appreciate such behaviour. The only reason your words still remain on the screen is simply that I am not the forum moderator in CA, and cannot remove them myself. Perhaps it might be wise, in the future, to consider that if you don't like a poem, and you can't find any suggestions that resemble a critique, you should say nothing at all. Thanks Severn |
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Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669Michigan, US |
I removed the post by Wamba, and removed posting rights, too. Let's hope this will be the only username that loses privileges and the individual involved realizes we're not interested in playing childish games around here. You know who you are and, thanks to your IP address, so do I. About the only thing I deplore more than insults is dishonesty. |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
I just want to assure you Wamba has learnt his lesson. |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Oh... uh... looks like I showed up a little late for this one... lol... *confused and bemused* I am writing graffiti on your body |
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Essorant Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada |
vellamike- Everything counts. I appreciate your telling me true. Essorant. |
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