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Critical Analysis #2
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Contribution to Frivolity
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Contribution to Frivolity |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Ragged Rhyme Some have said my rhymes are ragged, That my meter's often jagged, Even claimed my themes portray a shallow core - Words of modest inspiration - Therefore, without hesitation, I should give up writing now and evermore. I protest with indignation Scornful words of defamation, Though it's true I have no skill at writing verse. Poetry can be quite daunting And I find my poems wanting Just to have a muse a little less perverse. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Pete Rawlings - All Rights Reserved | |||
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
LOL..oh and it's delighfully frivolous and fun as well as being nicely done. Thank you for the *giggles* this morning. In truth, what defines us is our poetry. |
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U K Hero Member
since 1999-08-08
Posts 266England |
The jingle jangle of the rhythm is fine, but I would have wished for a little more umph in the piece. Even so, in all, a well written piece. |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Lol, this is cute. A couple nits: 'Words of modest inspiration - Therefore, without hesitation,' I find the second line here awkward- I have to manipulate the natural sounds of the words to make it sound right... 'I protest with indignation Scornful words of defamation,' Sounds a little too much like the last two lines I quoted- too many 'ions.' I do like the last line... clever. Hope I've helped. Who is John Galt? |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hmm, see what you mean. Does this work better? Therefore, with no hesitation Thanks |
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caterina Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 188Canada |
Well, I certainly hope you don't give up writing because I liked this one. It flowed quite easily for me, kinda upbeat and peppy. Great title too. I enjoyed. caterina |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Pete- How do you feel about 'With, therefore, no hesitation' ? Just my two cents, I think it flows better. Who is John Galt? |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
Nice poem! I found that the word "evermore" created echoes of Poe's "The Raven." A very skillful use of assonance and consonance to make the verses flow. Thanks for sharing! God Bless! |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Nice piece of whimsey, Pete. The problem is in the the third and sixth lines of each stanza. Actually the lines are fine but are too awkward when presented as they are. If you were to break them up, I think you would sense a big difference... Some have said my rhymes are ragged, That my meter's often jagged, Even claimed my themes portray a shallow core - try this....... Some have said my rhymes are ragged, That my meter's often jagged, Even claimed my themes Portray a shallow core - same words but the change forces the reader to maintain the rythm you want..you may think the rythm's the same, being the creator, but I assure you as a reader, it's not. Only problem, then, would be in the last line of the first stanza. The proper break would come in the middle of a word... Words of modest inspiration - Therefore, without hesitation, I should give up wri- ting now and evermore so that would need to be changed to something like... I should give up pen And paper evermore or something.. my humble opinions only  |
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Gabriel Frost Member
since 2002-08-15
Posts 216Between midnight thoughts |
Wow.Now i'm kinda scared to post!lol! I think your poem flows quite well. |
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