The Soft, Seductive Whispers (final re-write)

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Critical Analysis #2

The Soft, Seductive Whispers (final re-write)

WhiteRose
Member Elite

since 2002-07-23

Posts 3208
somebody's dungeon

0 posted 2002-07-30 04:22 PM

The soft seductive whispers
of summer in the forest
breeze by my window
in the cool of the evening,
rustling the sheer material
of the tattered curtains.

With the smell of age
come memories.

Odd pieces of thought
brought to remembrance.

Spoken on the wind
as it whispers through curtains,
that have seen too much
of life to be silent.

WhiteRose

[This message has been edited by WhiteRose (07-30-2002 04:23 PM).]

Trevor
Senior Member

since 1999-08-12

Posts 700
Canada

1 posted 2002-07-30 04:34 PM

Hiya again,

Please don't hit me....but here's my suggestions, btw, it's a lovely poem as is

Maybe change "silent" to "still" in the last line?

I dunno, so many versions and opinions its hard to choose from

Thanks,

Trevor

PS I wish I could be more helpful but I'm starting to run out of steam on this one.

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