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Critical Analysis #2
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From Behind Metaphorical Distractions
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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From Behind Metaphorical Distractions |
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renathon Junior Member
since 2002-06-09
Posts 23 |
Unfortunately I don't really like to comment on other people's poems, because I feel what I have to say about other people's work is just not important. On the otherhand, I do value what you people in the Critical Analysis have to say, because you seem to say things as they are and not flower it up. I may be wrong, but hey. Here is another "poem". I would muchly treasure comments, suggestions, etc. etc... --- "From Behind Metaphorical Distractions" 4.27.02 The light of various suns becomes apparent, the crimson empyrean turns to primrose, the exhausted self-proclaimed heroes lay to rest and yet again the ancient bridge exists in blackness. Sustenance runs consistently past its tired feet and takes with it the flesh it has torn away from them. Dawn glass that is formed into sustenance receptacles, travels upon the wind and eats away at its stony belly. That which connects its crumbling extremities never slumbers and the universe frequently shows its anger; fracturing the very structure of the ancient working. The insignificant differences among brethren wears away mortar when brothers fling stones. The local gods attempt reparation of the dying brick, the local gods attempt to rebuild what they helped bring down, but ultimately water, air and sand destroys my life instrument. I am the bearer of the most romantic pain, a pain spawned ironically from krill. On a black (nit), I itch at a plastic limb. --- I think it may be to vague. In this poem I am representing a person with a bridge. You can guess who that person is. http://members.cox.net/lordrenathon [This message has been edited by renathon (07-10-2002 08:29 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Nervio Amado - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
quote: Unfortunately, commenting on others' work is what it takes to generate much interest in your own. There are no professional critics here. Everyone volunteers their time, expressing their opinions and impressions, in efforts to help their fellow poets. It is a give and take environment. Those who only want to take and not give may find that there is little to take. So, regardless of how unimportant you may feel your opinion is, I can assure you that it is as important as anyone else commenting here. Pete |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Hi... had trouble staying interested in this, simply because it's pretty topheavy with imagery, something that I don't care for. I'm not necessarily saying that all people would have this problem... there are plenty of people here that I think might enjoy this more than I did. I kind of wanted to encourage you, like Pete did, to go out and reply... even if you just share your thoughts on what the poem was about at first (in a more in dept way than "That was great!") you'll find that it helps you, as a critiquer (sp?) hone your writing skills as well as hopefully giving the writer some insight. Hope I've helped. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Critic, I think Amy.  |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
I'm going to ditto hush... ( as long as it doesn't tickle or something)  |
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River Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627my own little world |
I agree with you about the critical analysis forum being less flowery and more honest...and i admit that i have not critiqued any one's poems yet as well because... i don't know what to say since i am a beginner myself and i'm just scared to actually tell someone that thier poem has something that should be fixed...so, how about i do us both a favor, and tell you what i think anyways since i know we are both thinking the same thing? (and maybe you can say something about the one i just posted even if all you post is a sad face or a smiley face?) lol. ok, first of all, i find this poem very hard to follow because some of the words i don't even know the meaning of...(but it could be just that my vocabulary is limited to mostly commin english and i'm not used to more sophisticated/complicated words) and also, your right, i think it is kindove vague. but, ok, usually what i try to do to improve my own work, is to go read my poem over several times, think about the message that i am trying to get across to the reader, and if i feel i could do it more clearly in a different way, i re-write it. sometimes i put the original and the second draft together, and sometimes i toss the original all together. if i get stuck on a certain part, i leave it alone for awhile and go back to it later. ...ok, i'm getting long winded at this, so i think i'll shut up now and see if that little piece does you any good. =) - River Love hurts as bad as it feels good. |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Mmm, yes, critic... I was just testing everyone else... |
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renathon Junior Member
since 2002-06-09
Posts 23 |
I haven't been on piptalk for a long, long time. I'm kind of confused as to how anyone would have dug up my poem from more than a year ago! Thank you though. This poem I think is the general representation of me as a bridge being worn away by "sustenance" which could be people or food or time or whatever it is we humans thrive off of. I'm gonna do some critiquing now that I am a year wiser and more weathered by stones flung by my bretheren. |
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