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Critical Analysis #2
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Her reflection in a street puddle. (revised)
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Her reflection in a street puddle. (revised) |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Thanks to everyone who commented on the first version of this, I am much happier with this one... any final suggestions/comments will be much appreciated. Her reflection in a street puddle. Graceless, she is not the silk and chiffon dreams are made of. Her face, a ruddy mask- pinched putty, soft-serve strawberry swirl. Slow motion, tire treads feel the pavement. A pale blonde gasp, the flash of coarse mane. A quick splash goes down on broad streetlit shoulders. Grass-stained nightgown, 60 degrees damp in the acute angle of the mid-June night. Thick salmon-colored fingers brush wet lines from her cheeks. The masculine silhouette in a nearby doorway. Children clandestine, round faces in the darkened windows. The woman’s hands reach, grasp the splintered telephone pole tightly. One ear to her husband’s pounding voice, one to the thunder of the highway. |
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| © Copyright 2002 hush - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Hush: I went back and looked at the original comments and didn't see where anyone inquired into the meaning of the poem. I know I've had limited success understanding your intent in the past, but it seems to me that you hint of some sort of tragic accident: the splintered telephone pole, the husbands pounding voice, the proximity to traffic, bystanders ... Please let me know if I'm on the right track. If so, I'll say more. If not ... well ... I'll probably still say more. Jim P.S. My understanding of the poem did have an impact on me, for what it's worth. |
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Radrook Senior Member
since 2002-08-09
Posts 648 |
Nice poem! Is this an accident scene? [This message has been edited by Radrook (08-25-2002 10:29 PM).] |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
This is basically describing a woman torn between leaving her abusive husband (and children) or staying. She's outside at night, wanting to run, but too afraid (or feeling too responsible for the fate of her kids) to do it. The splintered pole is just supposed to be old and cracking, not hit... but I can see why someone would draw that conclusion... maybe I should clarify it. The bit about the car tires is just to show that she's standing by the side of a highway, indecisive, and getting splashed by a puddle. I am writing graffiti on your body |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Hi Hush, no real critique, just to say that I think you should leave the poem ambiguous. Yes it does on first read appear to be about a car crash. I think the lines “tire treads” and “one to the thunder of the highway.” Lead the reader to this conclusion, maybe toning that imagery down or establishing more the abusive nature of the husband in the pervious verses would help clarify. Though in a way an abusive relationship is like a car crash, a seemingly happy journey that ends in tragedy. If we are to believe J.G Ballard there is much we can learn about ourselves from the car crash. I probably wasn’t much help, but how in ever I really enjoyed the read. The sum of the angles of that rectangle is too monstrous to contemplate! [This message has been edited by brian madden (09-01-2002 08:53 PM).] |
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