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Critical Analysis #2
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To Fly to the Moon
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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To Fly to the Moon |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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If for just one night, I could have wings, I would fly to the silvery crescent, hanging high in the deep blue sky; sliding gently into the cradling arc, I'd lie back, ask the man-in-the-moon to sing to me, sweet, soft lullabies, share in his glowing serenity, while lunar breezes rocked me carefully. Heaven would be so close, I could almost touch it, yet I'd know it was not my time, and I'd sleep the sleep of angels, awaking fore the dawn, returning to my earth-bound home before the moon was gone. Kris |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
The serene lunar lullaby of the first nine lines seem to be disrupted somewhat by the introduction of religious concern thereafter. There is a second level added by the references to heaven and angels which may or may not be what you are concerned with conveying. The internal rhyme helps keep the poem lighter than it would otherwise be, and overall I enjoyed it. Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Kris, Been too long. Welcome back. Nice calming read, as Kirk said. I didn't see that line as particularly religious though but I can see how he might have. I do have one little nit-picky point though. You describe an obvious night setting, including a crescent moon. On such a night, the sky would likely be black rather than deep blue, I think. Thanks, Pete P.S. Love your new photo. [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (07-08-2002 12:21 PM).] |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Kris: You were sitting outside on a quiet night looking at the crescent moon and the moment grabbed you ... or something like that. I did not sense any regret in the "return to the earthbound home" and my suspicion is that those "lunar breezes" that "rocked [you] carefully" were very real breezes, as was the serenity of that moment. But hopeless romantics are never truly satisfied, are they?  Even on a perfect night, with a crescent moon, and calming breezes, there is a lack of contentment ... as sense that, as good as things are right now, they would be better somewhere else.That is what I got out of the poem. Well written, as is usual for your work. Even if I am way off in my understanding of the poem, I appreciate the thoughts they evoked. Nice reading your work again. I hope to see more soon. Jim |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
I am so sorry I am so very late in replying.. Kirk, Thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to comment. That is always appreciated. As far as the so-called religious overtones, I did not intend them to be that way at all. The moon, the stars, heaven, angels...to me those things are all celestial. That is the way I intended them in this poem. Pete, Yes, it has been too long, much too long. I thank you also for reading and for commenting. On the point of the sky being dark blue or black, it depends on the time of night you are looking up. The sky is usually a deep, deep blue (here) till just after eleven, then it darkens. Nice to hear from you again. Hope all is well with you and yours.  Jim(teach)! So who's analyzing who now? Yes...it was pretty much as you wrote it out, EXCEPT, though I am a romantic, I am not hopeless. I was completely immersed in the moment, and not thinking of a "better" situation. I thank you muchly for reading and for analyzing..er..commenting. Hope you and the family are all doing well."It is wisdom to know others; |
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
I like this. I look forward to reading more of your work. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
White Rose, I thank you for reading, and also for taking the time to comment on my poem. I am glad that you enjoyed it, andi, also, hope that you will be seeing more of my work (I have been in quite a block lately!). Thanks again, Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Helllooo Kris Cringe'l, Guess its a tad early for Xmas jokes. Glad to see you're still around as well. Just started reposting again myself....and Jim has decided to return too. Now if we can just get an arguement started it will be just like the "good old days"...or Happy Days....or was it Days of Our Lives? Nonetheless I shall unsheath my rusty sword...errr, I was arrested for that once, but it was Mardi Gras and I was drunk....what I mean to say I will indulge in the pleasure of that which is critiquing using the full extent of my powerfully ignorant mind. "If for just one night, I could have wings, I would fly to the silvery crescent, hanging high in the deep blue sky;" I have to say that all though I found this part a little plain, it still seems to work well as a starting point. I too felt the same way as Jim did in regards to the feeling I got was one of longing for something better rather than contentment or just being immersed in the moment. I think its the, "if just for one night/i could have wings" part that makes one think of escapism. Not that escapism is such a bad thing always. "sliding gently into the cradling arc, I'd lie back, ask the man-in-the-moon to sing to me, sweet, soft lullabies, share in his glowing serenity," Personally I'd like to see more description. On whole I found the poem to be rather vague and general and it seemed that you feel back on cliches or semi-cliched ideas too much while trying to present your version of what you saw that night. ie. for both descrip. and cliche "to sing to me, sweet, soft lullabies." "while lunar breezes rocked me carefully. Heaven would be so close, I could almost touch it, yet I'd know it was not my time," I liked the idea of the crescent moon being a cradle and being rocked by lunar breezes however again I thought it was just a little too plain of a description. "and I'd sleep the sleep of angels, awaking fore the dawn, returning to my earth-bound home before the moon was gone." I liked the flow and meter in this section. The only thing I disliked in these four lines was "sleep the sleep of angels", I thought it was a little too simple. All in all the idea was okay, though the "I'll fly away" has been done before (but then again what hasn't?), but it left me wanting more descriptions. It just seemed too plain to really drag me in no matter how many reads I gave it. But, hey, what do I know, I'm just a guy with a cigarette. Thanks for the read, Trevor |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Trev, Nice to hear from you...even if most of it is negative, as usual. The "Cringe..'i" thing bugged me a bit, but what do you expect from a Canuck, eh? Been throwin' back some brewskis and chasin' da moose? Ahh, forgive me...guess I was throwing a little stuff of my own there. Anyway, about the poem, I disagee with almost all of what you said. I think it is a simple, yet intriguing NEW way of looking at the moon. In fact, I don't post works that I, personally, don't think are good, although I do take genuine constuctive criticism and try to use it to improve the poem. Again, nice to hear from you...really! Thanks for reading and taking the time for your lengthy comment. "It is wisdom to know others; |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Yo Kris, "Nice to hear from you...even if most of it is negative, as usual." Do not hate the bird for flying or the bear for growling, it is their nature Negative? It's all positive Kris. How can you say negative when all I want to do is try, and I stress try because I know I'm not the all knowing poet, to help you write poetry..... the way I like to read it Honestly you know that I don't think my opinions are right or wrong, I just know what I, and I alone, like when I read a poem. And you have written many things I enjoyed reading. Plus any comments that may seem negative or insulting has nothing to do with your slanderous comments about Canadians or myself, it's already unquestionable in our minds that you yankees are the lesser beings on this continent...I mean who needs an army to protect themselves and who doesn't, we just have three soilders and a war canoe to watch our borders and still no one messes with us, and for the record, we don't chase moose, the moose chase us and our two police officers give them tickets And hey, I'm not saying the poem isn't good, just that personally I think you could do a lot more with this piece, even if you wanted to leave it simple you could still probably strengthen it up a bit. I have read enough of your work in the last few years to see what I believe you are capable of and not capable of when it comes to your poetry. Personally I think you could improve this poem. "I disagee with almost all of what you said." But half of what I said were compliments. ie, "it still seems to work well as a starting point." "I liked the idea of the crescent moon being a cradle and being rocked by lunar breezes" "I liked the flow and meter in this section." Gesh, what do I have to say, "my eyes shall never read another poem again for all my poetic desire has been fullfilled in this one magnificant poem!" , I'm kidding, don't do it, put down the gun Kris Anyways, of course you can keep your poem as is, I will give you permission I think I've stated enough times that my opinions are mine alone. If you like it the way it is then who am I to suggest a change.Always a pleasure chatting with you, no kidding, I mean that sincerely, Trevor |
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