Hope (repost from open) - pipTalk Forums

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Krishankins

Senior Member

since 2002-06-23

Posts 972
Texas

0 posted 2002-07-04 11:54 PM

Fate's bitter kiss
Has bent my silky skies
I love against the intent
Of my indifferent night

A bird never flies so high that it can't hit the ground

Kirk T Walker
Member

since 2000-01-13

Posts 357
Liberty, MO

1 posted 2002-07-05 03:22 PM

I liked this one a lot. It's brief but has a definite point and mood. I'm not sure I like "silky skies" all that well just beause I wasn't sure what it was trying to convey exactly. Overall though, nice job!

Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion.

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

2 posted 2002-07-05 11:07 PM

Love the imagery, love the wording, and love the succinctness.

Kris

"It is wisdom to know others;
It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

3 posted 2002-07-08 12:15 PM

I think the "silky skies" is all right but the confusing part is "bent." It just doesn't fit for me. How does one go about bending a sky? Perhaps another word or idea would work better.

Pete

Never express yourself more clearly than you can think - Niels Bohr

Kirk T Walker
Member

since 2000-01-13

Posts 357
Liberty, MO

4 posted 2002-07-09 06:35 PM

Q: Why is the sky blue?
A: Because light is BENT (refracted) by dust in the atmosphere
(See also: Sunsets, Rainbows, etc.)

The Napkin Writer
Member

since 2002-06-28

Posts 70

5 posted 2002-07-09 06:54 PM

The one line that abandons me, and holds me captivated at the same time is,

"I love against the intent"

It rolls off the heart so nicely, and leaves the imagination searching for "personal" clearity.....

Originally Yours,
The Napkin Writer

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

6 posted 2002-07-09 10:45 PM

Yes, I understand light being bent. If I remember my college physics properly though, the blue of the sky is due more to the longer wavelengths being absorbed rather than bent. This also causes warming of the air. I still hav a hard time with the sky being bent.

Pete

Never express yourself more clearly than you can think - Niels Bohr

Kirk T Walker
Member

since 2000-01-13

Posts 357
Liberty, MO

7 posted 2002-07-10 03:45 PM

Okay, Pete, you caught me. I am Not A Scientist. Just fooling around. Don't get BENT out of shape. Only kidding, again.

I did want to add that this poem may be in need of a stronger, less common, title; I'm not sure what it would be, however.

Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion.

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