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Critical Analysis #2
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Soldiers' Sacrifice
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Soldiers' Sacrifice |
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epoet Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 291grand rapid,MI, usa 
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Chaos, everywhere I look. Bullets screaming through the air. Explosions rock the ground as the artillery shells hit. Fearing for my life, I seek cover. Searching desperately for an enemy I cannot see. A sudden charge unleashes death from their weapons of mass destruction. Doing what I've been trained to do, I seek a target and fight back. The charge is repelled, but at such a huge loss of humanity. Silence now, except for the cries of a wounded soldier. Looking around, I see parts of myself reflected in the eyes of those who have died. Suddenly, without warning, bullets stream into camp. Diving for cover again, as the medic gets hit. Knowing the shells are coming next, I fear I might never see home. Something warm trickles down my side. Reaching for the dampness, my hand comes back covered with my own blood. Realizing now, that I've been hit, I cry out as I drop to the ground. Oh God, where did we go wrong? Who will take and watch over my family? Will I make another night? I feel cold now and I'm losing my sight. No feelings now, just calm. I stand and watch as the sheet drapes over my face. Will my loved ones know why I gave my life? What will make this world right? Will my death go in vain? Or will another soldier realize my pain? Will our sacrifices of blood, sweat, and tears be remembered through all the years? Would anyone understand why we gave our lives? Our country is free by our soldiers' sacrifice...... P. J. Kotrch |
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| © Copyright 2002 Pat Kotrch - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
First of all, I must say I disagree with the intent of this poem. My boyfriend (who is ironically at basic training) read me a quote a few days ago (I wish I could remember where it was from- either a comic book or a movie, I think) that I'll paraphrase: "We don't win wars by dying for our country; we win wars by making the other poor bastard die for their country." It's one of the most accurate descriptions of war I have ever heard. As far as the poem goes technically, I think I see what you are trying to do, but it doesn't work for me. Th utter detachement doesn't do much when the soldier is describing his experience as if he isn't there- maybe that style could work better in third person. For the most part, I found this dry, with the exception of: 'Looking around, I see parts of myself reflected in the eyes of those who have died.' Really cool image, it has a lot of texture and layers of meaning. Anyway, when the soldier was describing his experience, I expected this to be a 'war is senseless' type of poem, but it turned into a 'war protects us' poem. Took me by surprise- which is a good thing, but I felt a little jarred, especially since the ending was very absolutist as far as point of view goes... the narrator explains it to the reader like the reader is a young child and the story is undebateable... that I had trouble with. Maybe you could spell it out a little less clearly..? One thing I found interesting (I notice this a lot, especially in America where one of the main reasons we go to war is to fight collectivism) is that in the last line you said: 'by our soldiers' sacrifice......' (Ach! The ellipses!) Soldiers' here is a plural possesive, while sacrifice is singular- an oddly collective way of stating things, considering the American premise of individuality... and the questionable nature of the citizens' actual mindsets (or is it mindset?). Anyway, it something I find very interesting, and I'm not sure if you meant this, or if it's just a pattern in your speech/thought (which is also interesting, that so many people have collective manners of speech even though they, themselves, may be very individual in nature...) but I'm going to shut up now. Hope I've helped. "deeper is life than lose: higher than have |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Actually Hush, that is reported to be a quote from Gen. Patton. It was definately in the opening monolog of the Patton movie. "The hero isn't the dumb bastard who dies for his country, it's the soldier who makes the other poor dumb bastard die for his country." Pete |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Okay, I remember him saying that's where it was from now. Thanks, Pete. ...well, I guess this is growing up. |
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epoet Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 291grand rapid,MI, usa |
Hush, thanks for the comments first of all. I was trying to complete a trilogy of poems that I've been working on. It started with Standing at the Door, then went into Opening the Door to Sorrow, and finished with this one. I was just trying to point out that our vets (your boyfriend and myself included) are often forgotten except two days a year. I started writing this one because I had already presented the perspective of the leader presenting the bad news to the family, and the family members perspective of opening the door to bad news. I wanted to give the view of the soldier who died for what this country stands for and for what he believes in, freedom. I also was trying to get a sense of wonder and a tone of awe and respect for the soldiers who put their lives on the line defending this great country. I believe that our soldiers are our best of the best in this nation, and therefore they deserve our respect and gratitude for their sacrifice. Hope this helps you to understand where I was coming from. If you would read the other two and give me your thoughts on those as well, I would greatly appreciate it. Tell your boyfriend that I said thank you for defending my freedom and that I respect his choice to be in the military. P. J. Kotrch |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
I liked a lot of the imagery in this but I think it would be more powerful if it were concentrated into fewer lines. For example, anyone who saw the first five fifteen minutes of the blockbuster Saving Private Ryan could have written the first seven stanzas--they are ineffective in that they do not affect the reader which has probably already been exposed to similar ideas and imagery in movies or books, etc. The real mind-meat doesn't appear until "I see parts of myself reflected in the eyes of those who have died" This particular image captured my attention because of the relationship between the "part" of all of us that is human and that we share in common and the "parts" of the men that may have been visible to the speaker. ------------ALSO------------ Actually, for anyone who REALLY cares I think that the "quote" is a paraphrase from General Patton's Speech to 3rd Army, 6th Armored Division, in England, on May 31, 1944. It is a great speech and the text is available online if you care to search. Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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