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Critical Analysis #2

The House on Biscayne

silent whispers
Junior Member

since 2001-07-07

Posts 40
Alaska

0 posted 2002-05-26 09:16 PM

The House on Biscayne
*   *   *   *   *   *

The eifle tower has lost its beauty.
The leaning tower of Pisa took its place.
And here, abandoned on a busey street
                         Broken steps
                         To heaven....
The doors,
The windows,
         Boarded up.
The house's black stain washed
Almost away by the rain.
A forest of grass dotted with
            Dead flowers.
Rusted and askew, the gate
Greets visitors with a questioning wail.
Broken glass litters the garden.
A jagged shard
         Of glass
Clutches the sill,
Begging for someone to remember
The beauty that was so haunting.

Why is it that in silence the mind screams?

hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

1 posted 2002-05-27 12:50 PM

I feel that this needs something more. Your imagery is pretty good (I like the last few lines) but I was left thinking "that's it??" I feel like you need to work in something significant about the house, because, frankly, as a reader, I don't really care about it. That's where you come in. Make me care.

That said, I don't really understand the bit about the Eiffel and Pisa towers? It doesn't really seem to fit in too well here.

Hope I've helped.

"deeper is life than lose: higher than have
-but beauty is more each than living's all"
-E.E. Cummings

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