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Justbleu
Member Elite

since 1999-08-31

Posts 3329
Oregon, Originally From Alaska :)

0 posted 2002-05-08 01:18 AM

When the winds whisper by
Talking to me subtlely
All the truth tickling my nose
Keeping me at a distance
With each shudder of noise
Teasing my intuitions
I always lean in to hear
Hoping they will tell the tale
Of all that my life seems to be
I walk leisurely waiting for it
To softly land against my mind
The edges of my lips curl up
At every thought of you
Wishing, hoping, dreaming
For a handle on your manner
Of all that you are
A genius beyond the day
Your personality I sense
Presence of familar tricks
Many dimensions you travel
Just waiting for your time
I know you touch my very soul
At every instance of awakening
So much of you is a major part of me
Your restlessness intrigues my serenity
When sleepiness absorbs your being
Is at a time I know you most
Tingling across the avenues of wonder
Gently ever so tenderly swaying with angels
Somthing of you stays just outside my horizon
Yet I sense a depth I long to capture
A pain I grow to share with my days
Bewilderment at fear in what you trust the most
Even at the closeness of your grace
A lifelong calling of the heart I hold
Mirrors at the eternality of all we claim
During the unfolding of these untimely years
Holds scars of this tiny journey of our life
Mixing up and twisting our own personal truth
A truth of a love concealed by broken edges
Feeling you beckoning at my nearness
Shielding yourself behind a mask
Afraid of the familiar calling
Please let go and come to me
In full blessing of the trees
Natures purity will unfold before the morning
Streams of your depth in blue laced by black
Honestly holding me intently grasping my essence
Only at the instance of when all calms and lingers
Will I be able to stop and hold you forever

"Somewhere, somehow, it should be possible to touch someone and never let go again. To hold someone, not for a moment but forever." Unknown

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

1 posted 2002-05-08 01:55 AM

Bridgette,
I like how this slowly builds in intensity. Nice write.

It's never too late to have a good childhood! Woohoo!

hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

2 posted 2002-05-09 10:56 PM

This is pretty long, and the lack of formal sentence structure (punctuation, using caps to signify a new thought) and well as structure within the poem (seperate stanzas, variance in line length or style) makes it difficult to get through. I would suggest seperating this into stanzas and revising some of your word/line choices. Sometimes poems aren't meant to hold everything encompassed by their subject... I can write a poem about love, but it gains more strength if I focus on a certain kind of love, like romantic, or paternal, or whatever, and then narrow it down to a certain aspect or situation. I think you ahve a lot of braod statements in this that could, and probably should, be narrowed down and made more specific.

Hope I've helped.

"deeper is life than lose: higher than have
-but beauty is more each than living's all"
-E.E. Cummings

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