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A Sonnet Exercise
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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A Sonnet Exercise |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA 
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Hello, here's one of my first sonnets. I know that the words probably aren't the best, but, what I'm really looking for is that the lines fall into iambic pentameter. . . I have the hardest time thinking in this rhythm. . .I don't know why. . . any help is appreciated. Thanks. there is a star that shines far in the sky. shining its rays to those who know its sight. it guides our souls as through the planes we fly, showing us the way to our dawn's first light. we are the spirits of this time's first life, our names are spoken in a child's first wail. our bodies know not yet an afterlife, though here, they seem to us both old and frail. we know the secrets of the universe. they are revealed by us in words still known. revealed to you in story, song, and verse; sharing with you the wonders we've been shown there, dear Souls, are the lessons of the star seen not as close, it yet, is never far --------------------------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Ok Sven, let me try to help a little. Remember in iambic pentameter each line is made up of 5 feet where each foot is 2 syllables with the stress on the second. Thus the da-DUM, da-DUM, da-DUM, da-DUM, da-DUM. Now if we look at your poem, first how it would have to be read in order to be IP, it looks something like this. I will use the common practice of writing all the stressed syllables in upper case and the unstressed in lower and I'll use the / to separate the feet. Ok, first line. there IS / a STAR / that SHINES / far IN / the SKY. Try to read it with the upper case syllables stressed. It will probably sound strange and unnatural to you. As normally spoken this line would sound more like this. THERE is a / STAR that / SHINES / FAR in the / SKY. Now you can argue some about the first foot. The point is that you have some feet that almost have to have 3 syllables and one that has only 1 and none of them are iambic. That is the second syllable is not stressed. Now the second line. shin-ING / its RAYS / to THOSE / who KNOW / its SIGHT. The first foot is decidedly not iambic although the rest of the line is. The next line looks ok. it GUIDES / our SOULS / as THROUGH / the PLANES / we FLY, Then next, SHOW-ing / US the / WAY to our / DAWN'S first / LIGHT. is how I would read this line naturally. Again it is decidedly not iambic. Maybe you can kind of get the idea from that. If you get past that point then there are some more subtle things to consider. But master the basics first. Hope this helps some. Pete [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (05-06-2002 12:04 PM).] |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Pete, thanks, yes it does. . . I have another question. . . when looking at a line to see if it's in IP, should one read the line as he would read it naturally, or should it be read in that mechanical "da-DUM da-DUM" style?? This is one of the things that frustrates me about this meter, is that it's subjective. . .there really are no hard and fast rules to it, what seems to be IP to one person, may not be to another. . . it's all in how they scan it. . . thanks for your help. . . ----------------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
I think you may have hit on something there. You might try force reading as da-DUM, da-DUM, etc. If it sounds strange then it is most likely wrong. Your 4th line above would be a very good example. Reading it as strict IP yields this. show-ING / us THE / way TO / our DAWN's / first LIGHT. This surely sounds almost silly to you. It can almost be fixed with this simple substitution while still almost retaining the original intent. by SHOW / -ing US / the WAY / to DWAN'S / first LIGHT. See? Fairly simple once you get the hang of it. Another point though. IP is not subjective. Instead, it is a pretty strict definition. The language, as spoken in varying areas, does have some variation in how words are pronounced. This generally is not much of a problem though. After you master the basics of IP, there are some variations which are acceptable although they are not specifically IP. Get the feel for it in the strict sense first then come back and we can discuss variations. |
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