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The Spectator
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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The Spectator |
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Englishpoet Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 54Birmingham, England |
Hi Folks I just read an article in THE SPECTATOR by Andrew Alexander entitled "The Soviet threat was bogus" Andrew Alexander argues that the Cold War was fraudulent and jeopardised our security. Interesting read. It reminded me that I wrote a poem sometime ago where I mentioned this. I share it with you. BLISS Life is gold when Truth untold. Before the butcher, the lamb stands bold. Inequity is high when Greed wins. Caged cannery cries- What was my sin? Self is sky-high when pleasures dictate, Hunt with hounds display a cruel state. And all our humanity it humiliates. God reacts and shuts Heaven's Gate. Misinformation a tool for our leaders to rule, The Cold War- well designed to fool. Hope is low when the spirit goes, And vanishes like the melting snow. Life begins to bubble and boil, Dark deep beneath the icy soil, Foraging to seek-out the Truth, In the voices of the questioning youth. If you should go and bump into Truth, Don't just say, "Sorry," or step aside. Ask him why he needs so many faces. Under which mask does he hide? ©2000, Asif Ahmed. Help is needed for the title. BLISS or BLISS IN IGNORANCE or HIDDEN TRUTH ? Please suggest. or how about THE SPECTATOR? The heights by great men reached and kept |
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| © Copyright 2002 Asif Ahmed - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Hi Englishpoet, First, about the title.. Maybe The Spectator would work, although some people might not know you mean a newspaper and would think you've personified truth or God. As long as you think both meanings make sense, "The Spectator" will work. I guess you could get really specific and say "After Reading __________ in The Spectator" or "To _________" or give the poem the same title as the article. Bliss is, IMHO, a little vague, while the other ones seem to give away too much, as if they're telling you "here's the message of the poem" before the reader has a chance to decide for themselves. I like the rhythm in this. It gives a sense of urgency and forcefulness. I thought it was especially strong and impactful near the beginning, but it gets a bit weaker after that, maybe because you start having one thought go on for more than one line, when in the first few stanzas, we always pause at the end of each line. Would it be stronger if you stuck with one or the other throughout? I also really like the internal rhymes and assonance/consonance of the first stanza, which I think is the strongest (also "dark deep beneath" later was cool). I'm not entirely sure what it means, but I don't mind poems that force me to read them over again. In third stanza, do you need to say "a tool / for our leaders to rule"? I thought the second line was kind of unnecessary. In fact, the third stanza, IMHO, needs the most work. The last four lines seem to be saying the same thing, and since they're all one long thought, it really slowed down the pace for me. The last two stanzas I really liked. Cool personification of truth. One other picky thing: I didn't like "if you should go", because it seemed to be there just to rhyme. I know you've set up a difficult rhyming scheme and it's hard to meet those requirements while also making it look like it happened accidentally, but I think that's what you (or anyone) should try for. Hope I've given you some ideas for revision. Don't hesitate to share whatever you come up with. On the whole, I thought this was very strong and my hope is for it to become even better. Ashley |
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