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Critical Analysis #2
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Roberta Little
Junior Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 42
beloit wi usa

0 posted 2002-04-16 10:18 AM


How's this for injustice;
You cannot controle the situation,
things get out of hand,
meanings get twisted,
things happen that shouldn't...
Years later,
it's thrown up in your face,
made to seem like it's all your fault,
like you could've known ahead of time,
like you had compleat controle,
like you invited it...
Invited all of pain and sorrow that followed,
invited the problems now plauging you,
now ruining your life...
the situation is used to predict your every move,
and to judge you for eternity...
How's this forinjustice;
one mistake,
that you didn't want to happen,
will be used aginst you,
for the rest of your life...
How's this for injustice...

GOD's greatist gift is LOVE

© Copyright 2002 roberta little - All Rights Reserved
hush
Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653
Ohio, USA
1 posted 2002-04-19 12:50 PM


A few things I would work on with this:

-check spelling errors

-be more specific with what you mean- give examples, tell us exactly what the situation was and how it occured... give us a setting, some imagery, something

-try to be less one-sided. This poem is so accusatory, it's hard for me to believe that the speaker is presenting an accurate representation of what happened.

Hope I've helped.

"Love is a piano
dropped from a four story window
and you were in the wrong place
at the wrong time." -Ani DiFranco

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