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never will i
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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never will i |
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haydenjames Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 164Antigua & Barbuda 
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never will i insatiable, it was. faithful, was not. rousing, me to cling. insalubrious, i know. yet, what?! don’t bother. gripping, the lure to fall. never will i. nope. deflexure, appeared yon. cared, selflessly. equates, never will i. copyright ©2002 hayden a. james My poetry is at: http://www.thehayden.org |
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| © Copyright 2002 hayden a. james - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I don't get this. The structure just seems too strained to carry what you want to say. I do see a certain self-irony and I like that but instead of one or two word lines, wouldn't it make more sense to expand this and show what you mean more concretely? Is there a reason for doing it this way? |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Yeah, I don't get it either. It's not that I think the style is too strained (although it is a little too E.E. Cummings) but I think that you didn't work with it enough. This could work with a little more detail... just slightly too abstract for me. "Love is a piano |
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haydenjames Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 164Antigua & Barbuda |
My aim is only for a few (maybe those who have shared my experiences) to decipher my write. My poetry is at: http://www.thehayden.org |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Then why post it in a public forum? Ohhhh, I see, you want validation. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
You can only expect to reach a small percentage of the audience you reach for. Aim fo a small target and you are likely to reach only yourself. Pete |
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haydenjames Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 164Antigua & Barbuda |
true... yet chosen My poetry is at: http://www.thehayden.org |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Perhaps, but don't hide behind that. What I want to know is whether I'm missing something or you are. If I've missed something, that means I can learn, if you've missed something then you can learn. At the very least, explain what you're shooting for. You don't have to tell us what the poem means (that's not difficult actually) but, c'mon, this is a critical forum, we don't have to play certain games. We play others. Why did you make the choices you did? Anybody can say, it's not for you, you don't get it, or it's for a few -- that's a trick to avoid listening to those that don't like it. It may be true of course, but the difference, I hope, is then you can teach us. C'mon, play. |
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haydenjames Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 164Antigua & Barbuda |
Something/someone that I greatly desired even though it was bad for me. Leting go was hard, but got easier over time with the "deflexure" who help me back onto a clean track. My poetry is at: http://www.thehayden.org |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Hayden, I think that the meaning of the poem in that respect was clear (insatiable,/it was./faithful,/was not.) I think what Brad is asking is why did you choose to write your poem in this style? What influnced your word/phrasing choices? What was the point in writing it in the short, cryptic, minimalist sense instead of some other way? Discussion leads to understanding, and two-word responses lead to, well, nothing. Nobody wants to spend time with someone who doesn't amke it worth their time... you posted this for feedback, and we're giving it to you, but instead of opening up, discussing, telling us why you wrote what you wrote, you close off with the simply statement that we wouldn't understand. A poem is no good for anyone who doesn't understand it. If you're writing this for a select person or group, show it to them, but don't show it to us and the alienate us because we're not on the same wavelength. Put us on the same wavelength with you. Hope I've helped. "Love is a piano |
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haydenjames Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 164Antigua & Barbuda |
I'm sorry, I understand where your coming from. I'm just not an expert at this and feel unqualified to explain it since it's what not pondered over but just written in a few mins. Really I think it's written in that manner because it's close to home/my heart and I'm secretive there to a certain extent. You may wonder why I bothered to write it but I hope I'll be able to understand my style more also. As I'm still searching for self in writing and some sort of consistency. hayden My poetry is at: http://www.thehayden.org |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
The question here is not "why did you bother to write it?" quote: The question is "why did you bother to post it here?" That is, since you seem to only brush off or scoff at any attempts to communicate, we are led to the conclusion that you are not interested in critique. Pete Never express yourself more clearly than you can think - Niels Bohr [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (03-27-2002 01:25 PM).] |
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haydenjames Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 164Antigua & Barbuda |
Ok as you say. Sorry for wasting your time. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hayden - apologising for wasting everyone's time isn't going to achieve a lot, but I know that it can be hard to hear blunt stuff sometimes. It was just that your first comment in reply to Hush and Brad that sounded a little, well rude really. Perhaps you didn't intend it to be that way, in fact I'm sure you didn't and you genuinely feel that this poem isn't for everyone to understand. No one here has questioned your right to write poetry, or the style you chose to write it in. The responses merely indicate that people would like to discuss your choices. You also shot that down, although acknowledging you get the point, because you don't feel 'qualified.' Can I ask - what do you need to feel qualified about? It's YOUR poem, you are already the expert. You don't need training to simply talk about your own writing. Why did you decide to write in only two words or so per line, instead of 5 per line? Why did you put punctuation in, instead of none? All you have to do is look at your poem again, and think about those questions. You say it's close to your heart, so are you saying you wanted as few words as possible to get across your meaning? You don't even have to tell us what the poem means...but you have a lot of room for discussion here... Again, I do want to reitirate what has been said before - this is a critique forum, so your poem is going to get critiqued.   K |
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