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Critical Analysis #2
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ShadowRider
Senior Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 1038
USA

0 posted 2002-03-21 02:35 AM


"The Land of Lost Dreams"

Rickety
the bridge from reality is
Afraid
I was to cross that chasm
Into blue light of sorrow
and away from
the spun-gold slumber threads
of waking time -
a tiny sleepwalker sloshing
puddles of tidal tears.
Bring not thy staff of councils
upon my unprotected scarred back,
when I turn my back on
'morrows yet unknown
and cancerous eve's.
For I have lost my way -
blindfolded with unslippable knots
and wander aimlessly, sightless
thru
The Land of Lost Dreams



[This message has been edited by ShadowRider (03-21-2002 02:37 AM).]

© Copyright 2002 Picasso Lyrics - All Rights Reserved
Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
1 posted 2002-03-21 03:01 PM


Jeff darling boy this is exceptional writing, utterly utterly brilliant. You have truly outdone yourself this time. Every single word in this is utterly perfect, you’ve really nailed this

Rarely is writing this good, certainly this far exceeds my expectations and my expectations for you are always high. YOU are a very good writer and this proves it. The presentation is brilliant, well done darling boy this is exquisite.

That is the only way I know to critique, accentuate the positive, and I’m positive about this, it is an excellent poem and deserves wide acclaim


Love and warm stuff
As always
Mushy


To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79


ShadowRider
Senior Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 1038
USA
2 posted 2002-03-22 07:31 PM


Every once in a great while i nail one, and i hope this was one out of
100 missed free-throws,
so to speak (weak basketball metaphor)

Do you know that the hardest thing, is to critique your own work?
I see only the flaws....sigh

Thankx Maaaaaaasha.  Your smile in your words shows!

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