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Critical Analysis #2
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Vow of Love
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Vow of Love |
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jennirey Member
since 2002-01-24
Posts 198North Richland HillsTx 
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You lay there wishing for my wanton lips to come and devour your singed soul. Conquer your fears with my Smile. Warmth surrounds you as I open up my anima to you. I cry with you and desire to wash your pain away with my light. The light that you helped me to evoke. Pain and anguish will be no more albeit my love will cleanse your sorrowed soul. Peace will make you whole. In my arms you shall find that serenity. I open them up to you. In my heart you shall feel love. With your hand in mine you shall feel friendship. Always for your happiness, I am there for you, just as you have been there in my times of need and my times of joy. I will be there in your times of plenty and in your times of famine. Feast upon my love. I will be enchanted to provide it for you, becasue you are my one and only love. Jen |
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| © Copyright 2002 Jennifer Reynoso - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Jen, I really think this would be much more effective if you put in some line breaks, lots of them. I think it is a pretty good promise but just reads to prosey in this format. If you choose to work on it, I also suggest not capitalizing smile, near the top and you misspelled because near the end. Thanks, Pete |
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jennirey Member
since 2002-01-24
Posts 198North Richland HillsTx |
Thank you, Jen |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Can you go further? I mean, can you explain the situation beyond what you've done here? Start from the moment and then move to generality. The other way rarely works well. thanks, Brad |
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Opeth Senior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 1543The Ravines |
This is more like prose than poetry. This needs some structure/format. |
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