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Englishpoet
Member

since 2001-12-18

Posts 54
Birmingham, England

0 posted 2002-01-10 10:27 PM

Faces of Truth or Truth of Cats & Dogs (suggest)

I was taught to seek out
The Universal Truth. "God is Great".
I searched afar with an open mind.
Didn’t know he dwelled within dictators’ gate.

Now I know why you call "your truth".
And there are those to call my truth.
Spoken politically correct is fashionable truth?
And still salient truth comes out from a flute.

My patchwork of rods and cones,
Can sense undeniable truth around your eyes.
Quantifiable high-definition thermal image of truth
That catches each syllable of your lies.

Remember the truth of shackled suffragists,
They won after the truth of World War I.
And silent truth of starving coal miners
Forgotten in the glorious truth of Falkland’s Gun.

There was catastrophic truth of Hiroshima.
And fresh is the truth of 911.
There is buried truth of Dresden.
And enlightened truth of Nye Bevan.

The handshake truth of deceit and danger
Gives machinery of military men joyous din.
Naked evil truth entwined within shameless sin
Runs in blood truth of Bin Ladin.

There is half-truth of self-censorship,
All in the name of National Security,
And truth that calls an apple an orange,
So to slam doors on visual abject poverty.

Ariel Sharon’s truth to poison Peace to fail.
Acknowledged truth of suicide acts on Israel.
Unquestionable truth of Sabra and ****ela slaughters.
Woeful faces on the murder of Mohammed Durale.

There is the truth that asks no question,
And willingly makes the final sacrifice.
He sleeps untroubled in the moonlight,
In unmarked grave in paddy grown rice.

There is the truth of Prophet Mohammed.
And there is the truth of Holy Moses.
There is the truth of Lord Jesus Christ.
Yet truth of Science comes up roses.

So if you should bump into Truth
Don’t just say sorry or step a side,
Ask him why he needs so many faces,
Under which mask did Universal Truth reside.

Asif Ahmed

© 2002 by Asif Ahmed.

The heights by great men reached and kept
Were not attained by sudden flight,
But they while their companions slept
Were toiling upward in the nigh

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 2002-01-11 09:08 PM

I hesitated to read this one. My own feelings on TRUTH have been reiterated time and time again in the Philosophy section, and I didn't feel like doing that again. Nevertheless, I took the plunge and found pretty much what I figured it would be given the title.

Except for the ending, I found that to be a pleasant surprise.

I like some of the less known allusions (some I knew, some I didn't -- just means I can look them up), but thought the references to Bin Laden and Hiroshima/Dresden for example too overworked to be effective here. Given the nature of the poem, I wonder if you think a villanelle might be appropriate for the subject matter?

Stylistically, I think you need to write in a more natural syntax; and, at the same time, you take a number of variations in meter that I felt went too far.

I don't think those two go together very well. Given the rather conversation last stanza, I really think you should keep that tone all the way through the poem.

A few more specific comments:

I was taught to seek out
The Universal Truth. "God is Great".
I searched afar with an open mind.
Didn¡¯t know he dwelled within dictators¡¯ gate.

--Last line feels like an add on.

My patchwork of rods and cones,
Can sense undeniable truth around your eyes.
Quantifiable high-definition thermal image of truth

--adjective dependency.

Remember the truth of shackled suffragists,
They won after the truth of World War I.
And silent truth of starving coal miners
Forgotten in the glorious truth of Falkland¡¯s Gun.

--really, really liked this stanza.
There is half-truth of self-censorship,
All in the name of National Security,

--Wish you would have expanded this a lot more. Self-censorship is something that is greatly in need of more discussion.

And truth that calls an apple an orange,
So to slam doors on visual abject poverty.

--a little obscure for my taste. A play on a cliche but also would be helped by a little more exploration.

Ariel Sharon¡¯s truth to poison Peace to fail.
Acknowledged truth of suicide acts on Israel.
Unquestionable truth of Sabra and ****ela slaughters.
Woeful faces on the murder of Mohammed Durale.

--I like the ideas presented here.

So if you should bump into Truth
Don¡¯t just say sorry or step a side,
Ask him why he needs so many faces,
Under which mask did Universal Truth reside.

--I think this tone, as I mentioned before, would really create a contrast to the 'hard' allusions of the rest of the poem. Perhaps even a four beat line might create a powerful contrasting irony to your theme (unless of course you take my villanelle suggestion seriously).

Thanks,
Brad

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

2 posted 2002-01-13 07:52 PM

I feel the word "truth" is overdone in this one.

Kathleen--(Kay)
A true friend does not love you for who you are, but in spite of who you are." -- Caroline Tran

mauddib
Member

since 2002-01-12

Posts 119
melbourne australia

3 posted 2002-01-13 09:49 PM

The truth of the matter is that your subject holds the promise of enlightenment. And this it does for me on a personal level. I found my head symbolically nodding in aggreement at each stanza.
As poem I found it hard to find its metronome.
In places it flowed with a steady beat,to be interupted with a diffent timing.
This would confuse the hell out of an orchestra and, as a poem, so it does for your readers.

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