Here I Am (My first Tankas)

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JOY 14
Senior Member

since 1999-09-22

Posts 1419
Wisconsin USA

0 posted 2001-01-31 12:10 PM

KCS, thanks again for inspiring this. Tell me what you think please.

Here I Am
by: Joy

Upon the wood door
She knocks seven times then waits
Sea weed washes up
Wraps around her bare ankles
There’s no one home anymore

If time escaped now
Went backwards under the sea
No salt water here
To caress the balmy shore
Or hold her by layered moors

Cheery sun peeks out
She turns toward the ocean breeze
Ignoring closings
Eternity laps her life
A green wave laps the sand gate

kcsgrandma
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1522
Presque Isle, ME

1 posted 2001-01-31 01:15 AM

Tell you what I think? I think this is awesome!!!

"Eternity laps her life
A green wave laps the sand gate."

I don't claim to be a tanka expert, but as far as I can see it is perfect. And I especially love these last lines. This is very mature writing. Well done!

To love another person is to see the face of God.
- Les Miserables

Marilyn

pegasus111
Member Elite

since 2000-07-27

Posts 2219
ocala, fl, usa

2 posted 2001-01-31 03:03 AM

very well done Joy(no longer 14)...lol

the woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep, and many miles to go before I sleep...Frost

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-01-31 12:47 PM

Very well done here!! I thought it was well written. Great job!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

JOY 14
Senior Member

since 1999-09-22

Posts 1419
Wisconsin USA

4 posted 2001-01-31 01:12 PM

Thanks so much!
I like these myself so I'm glad other people do too.

Marilyn, goodie! (not such a mature word) but it's what fits. lol

Pegasus, nope. no longer 14. Actually now almost 16. Only 3 more months and 6 days...not that I have been counting..

DD, thanks much

Joy

These smiles are getting out of control! One more

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

5 posted 2001-01-31 08:08 PM

Very good, Joy!!

Denise

Gene
Senior Member

since 2000-01-23

Posts 935
Colorado, USA

6 posted 2001-02-01 02:58 PM

Wow! I can't really say more right now. This kinda has me stunned by the beauty and creativity of your writing.

Gene
(formerly, u_gene)

[This message has been edited by Gene (edited 02-01-2001).]

JOY 14
Senior Member

since 1999-09-22

Posts 1419
Wisconsin USA

7 posted 2001-02-01 07:49 PM

Denise, Thank you

Gene, your compliment just made my day! thank you so much
Smiles

Joy

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