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kid D
Member
since 2000-10-18
Posts 64


0 posted 2000-11-13 09:38 AM



after you left, i, somewhat
unwhole, tried to step back
into my own but
incompletely executed the deed.
i found out why as i spied
my shadow slipping
secretively after you
coaxing memories, penning the past
with sappy ink dribbling
"...toast's to used to be"
and "i will meet you on the sun..."
and what i really should do is kick
my shadow straight in the butt-
(i mean really, unless you plan to self
combust, who sits on the sun
except in a corny poem anyway?)
gurney the painfully burned thing
to the hospital and when
the bandages finally come off,
with dr.'s bill in hand
my shadow and i, reality will face,
because dr. bills and bandages
are real and you
aren't coming back.



[This message has been edited by kid D (edited 11-13-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 kid D - All Rights Reserved
Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
1 posted 2000-11-13 01:57 PM


This was great. I love the style of the poem and the ending of it made a huge impact on me. I'm in awe



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!


pegasus111
Member Elite
since 2000-07-27
Posts 2219
ocala, fl, usa
2 posted 2000-11-13 04:08 PM


very well done..the analogy was great.

the woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep, and many miles to go before I sleep...Frost


Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

3 posted 2000-11-13 07:31 PM


Very good, Kid! I enjoyed this!

Denise

kcsgrandma
Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1522
Presque Isle, ME
4 posted 2000-11-13 11:29 PM


So, this is the not so "nice" version, eh?  Well, may be, but it certainly does have a good edge to it, and we can all use a dose of reality sometimes.  And those used to bes do leave wounds, don't they?  I think I prefer this one.

To love another person is to see the face of God.
- Les Miserables

Marilyn

Romy
Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170
Plantation, Florida
5 posted 2000-11-14 10:44 PM


Oh this is so good! I loved your form and the words, full of great images!
Terrific reality check for all those who need to "get over it" and get on with life!  

Jon Mewett
Senior Member
since 2000-03-04
Posts 1304

6 posted 2000-11-15 07:17 AM


This is great........and original....nice style.

Jon

kid D
Member
since 2000-10-18
Posts 64

7 posted 2000-11-15 09:17 AM


Dopey_Dope, thank you, no one has ever been in awe of me before  

pegasus111 and dsnyder thank you much  

kcsgrandma...yep, and sometimes we cover over the wounds instead of actually healing, guess its not easy though...who wants to hurt? thanks for your comments  

Debbie thanks   really glad you liked it

Jon Mewett well, guess that's what's so nice about pip, all the different styles of poetry we get to enjoy...i think i like your "original" comment, thank you much

Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462
New Zealand
8 posted 2001-10-02 10:10 PM


Yep, now this is good.. this is really good. I can feel it, it's powerful, and vivid.. I really like your style, kid D..

It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold.

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