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Chrysalis of Loves Rebirth
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Chrysalis of Loves Rebirth |
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ellie LeJeune Member Elite
since 2000-01-10
Posts 4156King of Prussia, PA USA 
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In the springtime of my years I loved you, < !signature-->when youths first flowering was on my lips. Blinded by the sunrise of feelings new, sweeter that nectar the hummingbird sips. My heart, not my head, thus ruled above all. You were perfect, my love, in every way. Love was summers warmth that fades into fall. Ice crystal dreams on a cold winters day. Spring then gives birth to a newness within. Wisdom flowers with love's ageless knowing, so loving acceptance can now begin. chrysalis opens to loves emerging. Love only grows from Season to Season. I love you now with wisdom and reason. Summers haunting melody that awakens the butterflies, calling them to join the dance in their silent song of praise to God. eL [This message has been edited by ellie LeJeune (edited 10-08-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 ellie LeJeune - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
This is beautiful, Ellie. Sorry I didn't respond earlier but I read this and set about to 'tweak' it a bit to fit it into the strict format required for a sonnet - iambic pentameter....dah DUM, dah DUM, dah DUM, dah DUM, dah DUM.....unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable, five feet, ten syllables. Reading a sonnet aloud over and over again will give you the feel for the meter required. Some of the words...knowing, emerging, season, reason have feminine endings (unstressed), add an 11th syllable to those lines which is allowable in a sonnet (one of the few rules that can be broken from time to time). Meter, though, cannot be compromised, it must be dah-DUM...dah-DUM, etc.... I hope you don't mind my doing this and posting it here. Your email doesn't work for me (I'm sure it is my Outlook Express....I've had these problems in the past). Here's what I came up with. What do you think? In springtime years of mine I so loved you When youth’s first flowering was on my lips When blinded by the sun of feelings new Sweet nectar as the hummingbird doth sip; My heart then not my head thus ruled my all You were perfection, Love, in ev’ry way Yet summer’s love, alas, fades into fall Ice crystal dreams – chilled by cold winter’s day. Again Spring births a newness from within And ageless wisdom blossoms into knowing Complete acceptance of you now begins Chrysalis opens full to love’s emerging. Love only grows from Season unto Season I love you now through wisdom, thus with reason. Denise [This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 10-08-2000).] |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Ellie~ These thoughts are just beautiful ... I don't know about the sonnet thing ... but ya' got the best helping hand possible in Ms. Denise !  Beautiful thoughts - I'm just DAH-dumming along !  ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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kcsgrandma Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1522Presque Isle, ME |
Well, I knew about sonnet form, and even have one posted over at CA, but truthfully, I didn't even think about it as I read this. I just enjoyed the expression of a love maturing into a richness unimaginable by youth. I loved it. To love another person is to see the face of God. - Les Miserables Marilyn |
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ellie LeJeune Member Elite
since 2000-01-10
Posts 4156King of Prussia, PA USA |
Dear Denise; I want to thank you very much for the time you took to give me all of your constructive and knowledgable criticism. This is very hard to admit, but I remain clueless on the meter thing, somehow it just won't sink in. So, I like my poem and decided to take the chickens road out, and I just took the word "sonnet" away. I just felt something got lost in the rearrangement. Love, Ellie Summers haunting melody that awakens the butterflies, calling them to join the dance in their silent song of praise to God. eL |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
LOL Well sonnets aren't everybody's cup of tea, to be sure! Your poem is very beautiful the way it is! I like it too! Denise |
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Dennis L. White Senior Member
since 2000-02-17
Posts 1463Michigan, U.S.A. |
Ellie, This is a beautiful, wise look at love from it's infancy to seasoned maturity. A love that has weathered the storms of time and survived. I don't know sonnets but I know what I like and I LIKE this one! P.U.Y.M.S. Dennis :^) |
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deleeme Senior Member
since 1999-10-09
Posts 1766NEW ENGLAND, USA |
Dear Ellie, I too am not one into all the technicalities of the various forms of poetry, so I can only go on what the says- for the best of form minus a message is but some organized, but meaningless words. Yours however are not- This is a beautiful expression of Love's changes and evolvement through the years. It is indeed a beautiful picture, well expressed. On that basis, I give an A+ and 2 golden stars. Your Friend, David WOW- another day of life-and here among friends! Ain't God Grand! |
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Lady Lost Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 470 |
It's in our blood not to follow the rules..This is beautiful, Mom....no one in the world could ever write like you, no matter how hard they try. I love you! .......beth "And I still believe you can never have too much fiction because reality is such a bore..." - REA |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
My apologies if I hurt your feelings, Ellie, or yours, Beth. That was not my intent. I spent two hours working on the meter and format because I thought a sonnet was the intended goal. I normally contact people via email, but for some reason I couldn't make a connection. I did not mean to imply that the original version was not beautiful...in fact I did not imply that at all. I was merely offering suggestions if a sonnet was desired. Beauty comes in all forms. It is not necessary to put down one form of writing to exalt another form. Each form speaks for itself. Some poems follow strict forms, others float along softly...they can all be beautiful. Appreciating all the varieties can only enrich us. With that said, I will offer no more help or suggestions unless specifically requested. Denise |
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Jon Mewett Senior Member
since 2000-03-04
Posts 1304 |
Form means nothing to me.......the beauty of the words and the feeling with whitch they're placed on the page is my thermometer......this is 110 Degrees Lovely Jon |
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