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Lost Dreamer
Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow

0 posted 2000-07-31 08:19 PM


Rusty Water

The rusty water still flows within the pipes
always has, guess I thought I could cleanse
it's poisonous aroma, blindly I have failed.
All I managed to cleanse was my own vision
the residue that washes down the drain,
clinging and binding what blindness missed.

So many years gone away blinded by trust,
thrown and twisted I still can't see straight,
roads, highways, detours, where do I go?
The rust it follows me like a viper in heat,
it can't penetrate me so it forges the weak,
the wickedness of it's spell freezing me scared.

Touch me lightly am I alive, do I breath,
do I seem human, why does it follow me,
where do I run and hide, as not to be blind?
Cursed beyond the remnants of bad genes,
fleeced and left in the rain, my vision shattered,
alone in a big world running from the rusty water.

© Copyright 2000 RiaL - All Rights Reserved
midnightblues
Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 1597
Singapore
1 posted 2000-08-01 03:10 AM


Wow gloria, this is a piece of exquisite imagery!!! *S* I like ur comparisons..


love, michelle


If there cannot be equal in affection, then let the one with more be me - midnightblues™

kelieth
Member
since 2000-06-12
Posts 314
Normal IL - USA
2 posted 2000-08-01 11:22 AM


Ria,
    I don't know what to say.  A sad piece is what I see.  I'm sorry that you've been hurt so.  This poem tells of pain that I hope does go. Best in all your life.  I look to see more of what you write.  

Kevin

"Anything is possible with patience, time is the tool use it to reach your goals."

Dennis L. White
Senior Member
since 2000-02-17
Posts 1463
Michigan, U.S.A.
3 posted 2000-08-01 12:43 PM


Ria,
  This is an eerie poem, being stalked by a foe of indeterminable strength and savvy! The unknown opponent is to be considered dangerous until proven otherwise! Good Read!
Dennis :^)

Moonbeams radiate
When the veiling cloud has past
Playful shadows dance

Dennis L. White :^)

brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
4 posted 2000-08-01 06:19 PM


Ria, wow all I can say is wow. amazing poem.

"I am melancholy, flower cutting through stone"
manic street preachers

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

5 posted 2000-08-01 10:12 PM


Add another WOW! Excellent writing, Gloria!

Denise

Little_Spyro
Senior Member
since 2000-01-09
Posts 659
San Diego, CA, USA
6 posted 2000-08-02 09:50 AM


And yet another "wow" to this list, only mine's going to be a

WOW!!!!

lol   Incredible poem, Ria!!!   Of course, how could you write anything less than excellent?  

Little Spyro T. Dragon

wordancer
Senior Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 809
VA
7 posted 2000-08-02 03:26 PM


quote:
The rust it follows me like a viper in heat,
it can't penetrate me so it forges the weak,
the wickedness of it's spell freezing me scared.


This gave me the chills . . .that one can stand strong against the evils of the world, but you know it still there, ever searching for the weak links of ones' soul, never giving up and you know that it is a only be a matter of time... because we all have our weak links.

Lady Nogs

doreen peri
Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812
Virginia
8 posted 2000-08-03 01:22 PM


Every time I read one of your poems, it's better and better.... this one is very sad and has a haunting feeling to it...

"the wickedness of it's spell freezing me scared." ---EXCELLENT LINE!!!

I know it probably helps little, but I care a lot....


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