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brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland

0 posted 2000-07-22 12:13 PM


I am gazing into a mirror
in vain preoccupation,
invited to pierce myself
and peel back
layer upon
layer
by a lost dreamer.
I am standing here,
A complex metaphor
shedding engraved scales,
dead skin this is,
brittle monuments
of collective identity.

Let us begin
Slice a piece off for examination
blood trickles across reflective surface
lay down the knife and step with in.
The show begins…

One droplet falls on the embryo
"Wake up pretty boy from your sperm coffin,*
kick the slumber of in utero. The world awaits"
then  I was,
a scab-kneed worm
burrowing through the undergrowth
strangled in the twisted roots of youth.
Mutilated epidermis, sculpted
puberty hatched, fuelled on contraband
desire, a wet dream so close it could kiss.
From the edge of premature rage
the chariot of Disgust  rode,
torturous wheels stalks my transition.
Reflect this upon my metaphor screen.

I am the silent scream
falling upon deafened ears.
welcome to this strange land
there are mirrors where there
should be stars, no body notice me
as I cast no shadow upon joy nor sorrow.
Iron cast bodies pray for the reflected voice,
for its harsh wisdom. They lurch
injecting venom in haze
salvage dignity
from a metaphorical mirror
then there is me -identity transitory
alkaline crimson fire and frost
what ever is witnessed is invalidated by chaos.

Omega Alpha terminated.

I am searching the wilds not yet settled
I gaze upon a mirror, this quest of futility,
shades, glimmers resonate then evaporate
tangled in a web without sleep
nothing has clarity.
Broken glass, shatter
the last great metaphor.

------------------------
Thanks to Lost Dreamer for the challenge and the inspiration. I don't know if this is what you had in mind but this is what my mind wanted to write.

* paraphasing of a line from the Patti Smith song "Land: horses"

orginal text
"Life is filled with holes, Johnny's laying there his sperm coffin Angel looks down at him and says, “Oh, pretty boy,Can't you show me nothing but surrender ?”

I have been listening to the album all week some amazing images beautiful poetry, I was trying to get a Patti Smith vibe for this poem.



why must we pray
screaming? why must not death be redefined? we shut our eyes we stretch out our arms and whirl on a pane of glass-patti smith




[This message has been edited by brian madden (edited 07-22-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 brian madden - All Rights Reserved
Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
1 posted 2000-07-22 06:42 PM


I was there when the challenge was born and I must say this goes very deep Brian. WOW ! I should say; challenge well met and great writing !
kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
2 posted 2000-07-23 06:11 AM


hi there, Brian...not sure what the challenge is..is it to dissect yourself using a mirror as a metaphor to the person you are....hmmm...

anyway, i disgress..this reads haunting to me...like this line very much:I cast no shadow upon joy or sorrow....a person who no longer feels...how is he going to go through life...such thoughts ran my mind then  

another exceptional work here

lotharingia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897
saarbruecken, Germany
3 posted 2000-07-23 08:49 AM


Oh my God, Brian, this is the best one of yours I’ve read yet. If I were to choose lines to quote for their excellence I would be spoilt for choice!

Lotharingia
"Dreams are life, reality, creation" Miguel de Unanumo



Lost Dreamer
Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow
4 posted 2000-07-23 10:36 AM


Brian, I have already told you this poem is fabulous, what your mind can create is amazing. I am in awe of how you take words and make them methaphorically dance, or bungee jump as we have determined. What I really was looking for was for you to have some of these metaphorical words reflect from a mirror, not really a reflection of you, but of your creativity. Does this make sense? Anyway I love what you did come up with, and who's to argue with your mind when it decides something right...LOL
Now I think I will take a nap since I did not get my 8 hours required. ~smiles~

brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
5 posted 2000-07-23 04:24 PM


Munda, thank you firstly for being present at the birth LOL and also for your wonderful comments.  

kaile, well lazy me will refer to LD's comment below that explains and how the challenge should have been done. LOL. Strangely I found this peaceful to write, re-reading it I realise it does seem to focus on pain more. anyway I can't decide on the mood of the poem myself LOL. I guess it is about refusing to accept one single reflection in the mirror. Thanks for your wonderful comments and thoughts.

lotharingia, I am blushing my friend. Thank you for your very generous words.

LD, Thanks for your wonderful and very generous words and also for the challenge.
Yes I know I trailed off the point LOL but that is the journey my mind wanted to take. Thanks for your wonderful words.  

    


< !signature-->

"A frog, it cannot comprehend the sea Nor me happiness" Paul Draper-Mansun

[This message has been edited by brian madden (edited 07-23-2000).]

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

6 posted 2000-07-25 04:01 PM


One droplet falls on the embryo
"Wake up pretty boy from your sperm coffin,*
kick the slumber of in utero. The world awaits"
then  I was,
a scab-kneed worm
burrowing through the undergrowth
strangled in the twisted roots of youth.
Mutilated epidermis, sculpted
puberty hatched, fuelled on contraband
desire, a wet dream so close it could kiss.
From the edge of premature rage
the chariot of Disgust  rode,
torturous wheels stalks my transition.
Reflect this upon my metaphor screen.

I am the silent scream
falling upon deafened ears.
welcome to this strange land
there are mirrors where there
should be stars, no body notice me
as I cast no shadow upon joy nor sorrow.
Iron cast bodies pray for the reflected voice,
for its harsh wisdom. They lurch
injecting venom in haze
salvage dignity
from a metaphorical mirror
then there is me -identity transitory
alkaline crimson fire and frost
what ever is witnessed is invalidated by chaos.

======================
I am searching the wilds not yet settled
I gaze upon a mirror, this quest of futility,
shades, glimmers resonate then evaporate
tangled in a web without sleep
nothing has clarity.
Broken glass, shatter
the last great metaphor.

====================
WOW WOW WOW
ya know this one scares me LOL
ya know why...cause I think I actually understand it LOL LOL
AWESOME poem Bri...
you remain my king of metaphor and imagery of both the deep and bizzare LOL J/K
this poem really is deep and well written..
now i need to go find my Prozac..
cause Tylenol aint touching this one LOL
later-mirrored poet-gator
eve

brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
7 posted 2000-07-26 04:30 PM


Hi Jan, so this is a prozac poem?lol
Thanks for your wonderful and very generous response. Have me blushing here reading your words.




"A frog, it cannot comprehend the sea Nor me happiness" Paul Draper-Mansun

kelieth
Member
since 2000-06-12
Posts 314
Normal IL - USA
8 posted 2000-07-27 01:44 AM


Brian,
   Wow.  It's an exellent piece and reminds me why I look forward to read all your future posts.    WOWOWOWOWOWOW


Kevin

"Anything is possible with patience, time is the tool use it to reach your goals."

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