navwin » Archives » The Corner Pub » trembled
The Corner Pub
Post A Reply Post New Topic trembled Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida

0 posted 2000-07-18 11:10 AM


this is not necessarily a finished product...may have a few word changes after i find my thesaurus--my crutch!  haha..but i thought i'd throw it out there anyway as i've thrown out the rest that have been written to this friend of mine....  
be kind!       dg
----------------------

i trembled as i heard your voice
quiet in the reciever...
with my wall yet
partially built
i feared that you would
break it down--
that i would not be able to crouch
low enough behind my unfinished safety
in a crude attempt to guard my
damaged heart...

i pleaded with not a word,
my soul screamed out in whispered silence;
have mercy!
i hoped that you would hear...  

and then,
familiar words descended from your lips
and all around fell silent.
the world stopped moving for
half a second.
before i knew, i'd responded
with the same--
how can i deny my heart,
how can i hide behind my wall...

you didnt try to break through,
you merely stood at the foot
and whispered.
my structure nearly disappeared...
three words, my friend, three words--
i trembled when i heard...

--dgvarner
< !signature-->

"i speak in written word--my lips, no sound may utter..."  dgvarner




[This message has been edited by dgvarner (edited 07-18-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 dgvarner - All Rights Reserved
Dennis L. White
Senior Member
since 2000-02-17
Posts 1463
Michigan, U.S.A.
1 posted 2000-07-18 11:23 AM


DgVarner,
  Wow! What do you need a Thesaurus for? This is good the way it stands, the vunerability, the resolve and the eventual surrender. I liked this!
Dennis :^)


Moonbeams radiate
When the veiling cloud has past
Playful shadows dance

Dennis L. White :^)

midnightblues
Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 1597
Singapore
2 posted 2000-07-18 11:50 AM


MMmm i agree wholeheartedly with Dennis. This is absolutely astounding, dgwarner! Thanks for sharing *S*

If there cannot be equal in affection, then let the one with more be me - midnightblues™

Lady Lost
Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 470

3 posted 2000-07-18 01:16 PM


Wow..I know the feeling all too well, the feeling where your stomach drops and you feel like you are about to faint.  The feeling you get when your in the mall and you see an old love...I was literally moved to tears reading this, I really do understand.  Awesome poem!

You can never have too much fiction; reality can be such a bore

allan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620
On the road
4 posted 2000-07-18 01:22 PM


Yes, nothing needing changed here. Excellent!

Allan

brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
5 posted 2000-07-18 03:29 PM


I need to find a thesaurus myself for words worthy of describing the excellence of this poem. I am afraid they aren't any.  

"Out of sorrow entire worlds have been built
Out of longing great wonders have been willed
They're only little tears, darling, let them spill" Nick

dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
6 posted 2000-07-18 04:13 PM


you guys are so wonderful for my self-confidence!  

thank you all so much for your replies  

since i'm getting good reviews here...i posted it also in voices on the web as book submission..maybe worthy--maybe not..but if anyone cares to vote on it there...please do!  

thanks again!!  dg


"i speak in written word--my lips, no sound may utter..." dgvarner

Lost Dreamer
Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow
7 posted 2000-07-22 09:05 AM


I agree with everyone here this is great just the way it is, and I will be sure to visit this poem in Voices to give it my vote.
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
8 posted 2000-07-25 02:53 AM


Wow!  This one is awesome.  I don't think you need to change a thing.   )

vlraynes

dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
9 posted 2000-08-12 08:19 PM


hey...thanks LD and TRICKS for your responses!..and thanks to those of you who voted for this one in voices     its rather dear to my heart  

dg

"Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you."
-Kahlil Gibran


Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462
New Zealand
10 posted 2000-08-12 08:37 PM


I love this one, dg.. so special, and quiet.. no, I think, if u do decide to change anything at all, make it subtle, so we can't tell! 'Coz ah like it just the way et eez!! ^_^

Aw man, I saw this one too late, I can't vote now.   I wanted to!!  

Love,
Lynne

dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
11 posted 2000-08-13 12:13 PM


YU LAN: youre boosting my smiley on my face     lol  not to mention my ego!  

thanks for all your replies--really enjoying them!!

dg

"Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you."
-Kahlil Gibran


Jon Mewett
Senior Member
since 2000-03-04
Posts 1304

12 posted 2000-08-13 11:32 AM


Well I've said it before .....Deep....and really well written....this sort of writing takes courage.

Jon

poutprincess
Senior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 735
Perth, Western Australia, Australia
13 posted 2000-08-14 10:20 AM


oh dear..this is wonderful...what i would have given to be you during that time!!
beautiful!
~Dawn

whatcha doing in this darkness baby
when you know love will set you free?
will you stay in the sea forever
Drowning there for all eternity? ~Live

Alle'cram
Senior Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 1816
Texas
14 posted 2000-08-14 12:06 PM


dvg, This is wonderfully written. I wouldn't change a thing. Sounds like it came straight from your heart.    marcy
dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
15 posted 2000-08-17 12:52 PM


jon: thanks a bunch..courage is me! heehee!  

pout: thank you so much!  it was a wonderful feeling...but scary too; after the hurt, to stand above the wall that was built to guard AGAINST the hurt..to make myself vulerable again..

alle'cram:  definately from the heart..the good, the bad, the trembling...  

thanks for replies!!  
dg



"Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you."
-Kahlil Gibran


Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
16 posted 2000-08-17 05:07 AM


I voted, but then you knew I would love, on a par with everything else you write, beautiful. Ha! You need a thesaurus, like I need a bad hair day!! Bravi Bravi Bravisimi!!!  
Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » The Corner Pub » trembled

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary