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allan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620
On the road

0 posted 2000-07-02 01:54 PM


fast exit wisdom windows flew open
five multi-colored buterflies head out
crashing dwindling in heavy rainbows
collide in explosions of pink wispy
sirens with fleeting glimpse of you

© Copyright 2000 Allan Tierney - All Rights Reserved
a_little_girl
Member
since 2000-05-08
Posts 307
San Alejandro, HI, USA
1 posted 2000-07-02 02:03 PM


Allan,
Simply put: wow and welcome to the Pub.
--Venus   

allan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620
On the road
2 posted 2000-07-02 02:06 PM


Simply put! lol I thought I was being wildly obtuse!

Thanks!!  

Ahh I see what you mean now. Simply Wow... Oops!

Well thanks are still in order!!      


[This message has been edited by allan (edited 07-02-2000).]

MagnoliaBlue
Member
since 2000-05-12
Posts 367

3 posted 2000-07-02 02:10 PM


fast exit
wisdom windows flew open
five multi-colored buterflies head out
crashing
dwindling in heavy rainbows
collide in explosions of pink wispy sirens
with fleeting glimpse of you

Allan ...You paint a
metaphorical scene
very well.  

MagnoliaBlue
< !signature-->

~My Skipper Jim
I love you!
Your Lady June~


[This message has been edited by MagnoliaBlue (edited 07-02-2000).]

allan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620
On the road
4 posted 2000-07-02 02:22 PM


MagnoliaBlue Thanks. You've improved the format of this. To explain I did this trying not to form the words before I wrote them - I know that shows - but I am very interested in trying to get under the censor, get under the conscious mind. A little experiment...

Allan

lotharingia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897
saarbruecken, Germany
5 posted 2000-07-02 05:58 PM


This one is isn't only psychedelic, it's hallucinogenic! Really quite baroque. I love the intense, frenzied language.

Lotharingia
"For God's sake, he's a poet. Poets are meant to feel miserable. Otherwise, what the hell are they here for? What are they going to write about?"
Tom Holland


midnightblues
Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 1597
Singapore
6 posted 2000-07-12 08:15 AM


Dreamily perfect...hmmm life's wonders must credit you for such astounding portrayal .I'M SO ENVIOUS!!!!!*S*

If there cannot be equal in affection, then let the one with more be me - midnightblues™

dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
7 posted 2000-07-12 09:03 AM


allen..i like the abstract way of this..     

i write more in the format of magnolia blue i suppose..but i like yours just fine  


great poem!  

dg


"A Poet's life is on written page; a scenario to take the stage--watch..." dgvarner

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

8 posted 2000-07-12 12:54 PM


allan, nicely done...and I like that idea of trying to get "under the censor"--you should check redheart angrybraids work as well---she writes in total subconscious language, reads like dream fragments...I admire that ability in both of you.
kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
9 posted 2000-07-12 11:29 PM


well allan this was an experiment gone well and i do hope you will show us more of such in the future

envious here..i wish i can write like that someday...hmmm...

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
10 posted 2000-07-15 02:01 PM


Allan~
Interesting thoughts and form.
Enjoying your poetic growth.
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com



brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
11 posted 2000-07-15 08:12 PM


Allan beautiful poem, magical

"I've been too honest with myself I should have lied like everybody else" faster-Manic street preachers.

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

12 posted 2000-07-15 09:53 PM


Yes, very magical quality to this, Allan! I like it!

Denise

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