Can i barrow? kind of a haiku but not

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Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member

since 2000-06-08

Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S

0 posted 2000-07-02 01:06 AM

In my sorrow
I asked to Barrow
Some of your tomorrow.

just let me know what you think i'm just trying out new things. see if any of you can do this write a poem with the last word in each line rhymeing and see how many lines you can get. lets say its a challenge to all of you.

I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson-

kelieth
Member

since 2000-06-12

Posts 314
Normal IL - USA

1 posted 2000-07-02 02:01 AM

The piece you write is good to see,
I like the spirit within thee,
Thus to write or to flee
Tis the offer thou makes of me.
Let your grace always be,
With your heart high in trees.

Great work here.

< !signature-->

Kevin

"Anything is possible with patience, time is the tool use it to reach your goals."

[This message has been edited by kelieth (edited 07-02-2000).]

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

2 posted 2000-07-02 05:19 AM

Cool idea, Jeremiah and such abstract meaning in these three lines too

let me continue

In my sorrow
I asked to Barrow
Some of your tomorrow
You refused to let me borrow
We had a furious row

Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member

since 2000-06-08

Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S

3 posted 2000-07-02 01:53 PM

thanks for both of your replies very much. but kaile i did not mean the poem like that or at least how you finished it. see i wrote it to ask when i'm feeling down "in my sorrow" "i asked to barrow" can i have a little of your time from tomorrow to help me out with my saddness. thank you again

I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson-

allan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-09

Posts 620
On the road

4 posted 2000-07-02 01:56 PM

Am i being a bit thick? Should barrow not be borrow? Am i missing something?

allan

lotharingia
Senior Member

since 2000-06-04

Posts 897
saarbruecken, Germany

5 posted 2000-07-02 05:54 PM

Jeremiah, this one is really nursery-rhyme like, I love it. The idea is great, too.
The barrow was a typo, right?

Lotharingia
"For God's sake, he's a poet. Poets are meant to feel miserable. Otherwise, what the hell are they here for? What are they going to write about?"
Tom Holland

Yu Lan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 1462
New Zealand

6 posted 2000-07-02 10:33 PM

nice.. well done Jeremiah..

Mm.. I think not, I think 'barrow' was no typo.. but I am not sure what it means.. sounds good though! ^_^

Wow, I am really not good with rhyming.. I take at least ten minutes to come up with ONE rhyme.. ^_^ I will try...

Sunny skied
And butterflied,
Little dragonfried.
Patience tried,
But children lied,
Now winter's gone, and summer died.

hehe, bit o' poetic liscence here.. *_^

Luv,

Lynne

"He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened." Lao-tsu

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