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Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462
New Zealand

0 posted 2000-06-23 07:25 PM


Just trying out a different writing style.. what do u think?? ^^


In A Daze

I am falling in a daze,
Swiftly, swiftly I fall,
Yet so slowly, I barely notice,
And I forget to catch hold of a hand,
Flashing past my eyes.

Swiftly, swiftly I fall,
As if in a dream,
I almost forgot,
That it was real at all,
And I forget to catch hold of a hand,
Flashing past my eyes.

As if in a dream,
‘Things’, float past,
I don’t think to look,
And watch them go by,
And I forget to catch hold of a hand,
Flashing past my eyes.

‘Things’, float past,
I almost don’t notice,
For I think I shall be here forever,
Able to look left or right,
Any time that I choose,
And I forget to catch hold of a hand,
Flashing past my eyes.

I almost don’t notice,
I should not be here,
For while everything changes,
I stand still and run.
And I forget to catch hold of a hand,
Flashing past my eyes.

I should not be here,
I should not be here,
Words tingle in my mind,
Faintly registered, somewhere, in there...
SNAP! Out of a daze,
Falling just stops,
And I begin to climb;
I remembered to catch hold of the hand,
That wasn’t going anywhere, anyway.


Lynne


"He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened." Lao-tsu


© Copyright 2000 Lynne Miura, née Chudley - All Rights Reserved
Esmeralda Ponsonby
Member
since 2000-04-02
Posts 138

1 posted 2000-06-23 07:37 PM


I like your new style, it went very well with your poem.
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

2 posted 2000-06-23 08:24 PM


Very nice!  

Denise

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
3 posted 2000-06-25 10:26 AM


YuLan~
Quite an enjoyable style and read.
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com



Tramp Poet
Senior Member
since 2000-01-06
Posts 754
Could Be Anywhere...
4 posted 2000-06-25 11:29 AM


hey Yu,
a haunting piece...
don't ya love it when
snapping into reality?
To me it's like dialing in
a station on the radio...
I loved the imagery of the
missed hand that, in fact,
had already caught...

enjoyed,



bleeding...

"Tis ink coming
from his arm,
Captain!"



Dennis L. White
Senior Member
since 2000-02-17
Posts 1463
Michigan, U.S.A.
5 posted 2000-06-26 02:42 PM


Lynne,
  Way to go! This style is intrigueing! Nice Job!
Dennis :^)

brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
6 posted 2000-06-26 04:26 PM


Lynne, I really enjoyed your new style of writing, it is good to experiment. well written.

"but for the lovers, their arms Round the griefs of the ages, Who pay no praise or wages Nor heed my craft or art"
Dylan Thomas.

PrincessPoet
Member
since 2000-04-15
Posts 133
Long Beach, Calif.
7 posted 2000-06-27 12:47 PM


I Think you r Growing,
Good Work, Yu Lan!


Your failures in life come from not realizing your nearness to success when you give up.
-Yoruba Proverb

Poetry & Friendship,
PrincessPoet


jamesjiao
Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 268
Backwaters of Avalon
8 posted 2000-06-27 08:53 PM


Lynne,

If I am correct, does this poem actually depict the dream you told me last time? (Falling...). It's good Lynne, you should post this one on Voice on Web

- James


Sorrow is the starting point of happiness. Without sorrow, a man can never realize the true meaning of happiness.

Jõmes

kelieth
Member
since 2000-06-12
Posts 314
Normal IL - USA
9 posted 2000-06-28 09:50 AM


Think the style is great.  Good work.  

Kevin

"Anything is possible with patience, time is the tool use it to reach your goals."

Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462
New Zealand
10 posted 2000-06-29 07:19 AM


Wow, thank you guys!

Thanx Esmeralda, Denise, Marge.. glad u think it fits.. ^_^

Daniel.. pch, lol.. u shoudln't compliment my work... *_^ yeah, a weird feeling, huh? ^_^

Dennis, Brian, Princess.. yeah, experimenting is good, lol.. ^_^ I am glad this one seemed to work! ^_^

James, yeah, u r right, it was from a dream I had.. I'm not sure when i told u about it.. I mentioned another dream, I think.. aah well, lol.. I must have. ^_^ It is a dream.. ^^ Hmm, maybe I will.. ^^ Thanx James.. actually, I think I will submit this for selection.. ^^

Kevin.. thanx. ^_^ nice to see an experiment apreciated.. ^^


Lynne

"He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened." Lao-tsu




[This message has been edited by Yu Lan (edited 07-01-2000).]

kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
11 posted 2000-06-29 10:38 AM


Lynne,
it is so cool and heart-warming to see a poet whose works you respect and enjoy trying out something new and different...this one was greatly enjoyed...chuckled over it..and i hope to see more such attempts from you....

Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462
New Zealand
12 posted 2000-07-01 03:17 AM


kaile.. 'whose works you respect..' thank you so much.. I'm glad u liked this one, and yes, *_^ I am sure you'll see a few more yet.. ^^


Lynne

"He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened." Lao-tsu



Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S
13 posted 2000-07-01 04:12 AM


well i voted for this one and i rather enjoyed the read. and i to like this style it kind of gives it a fall look as you read.

I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson-


Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462
New Zealand
14 posted 2000-07-01 04:39 AM


thanx Jeremiah ^_^ much apreciated. ^_^
just going to search for some of your poetry..


Lynne

"He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened." Lao-tsu



Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
15 posted 2000-07-02 06:52 AM


Yu Lan, I enjoyed this poem and style very much. Well done !
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
16 posted 2000-07-04 01:14 AM


Too cool! I like it! Not familiar with your "normal" style, but this works well on you!

Christopher

Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462
New Zealand
17 posted 2000-07-11 09:02 PM


thanx munda, Christopher.. ^_^



Lynne

"He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened." Lao-tsu



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