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Jonas
Senior Member
since 2000-03-03
Posts 796
Oregon

0 posted 2000-05-28 01:36 AM


Hamilton, TX  12:05am

Waves of thunder
roll over a sleeping town
A blinking red light
sways in the winds
casting it's eerie glow
across darkened buildings
closed for the night
Forming blood red pools
on the rain slicked roads
Streetlights are few
But here and there
the blue glow of a TV screen
filters through open windows
Their muted sounds
carried away by the rain
Two blocks away
a truck passes through town
The wail of it's horn
briefly shattering the stillness
A forlorn sound, lonely
One house, lights still on
inside a writer sits
Contemplating the portrait
of a small, quiet town
on a Saturday night

© 5/28/00
Gary Pence

© Copyright 2000 Gary - All Rights Reserved
Songbird
Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184
Missouri
1 posted 2000-05-28 09:04 AM


You transported me to Texas in a manner of a few well chosen words. Like the feel of this poem, sort of errie and lonely, deep inside the writer's mind. Keep writing, hope to see more.
childomine
Senior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 818
st. petersburg, FL
2 posted 2000-05-28 09:44 AM


This feels different to me somehow from your other work Gary.  I like the way you present the portrait then come around to the writer comtemplating that very portrait - kind of like a picture inside a picture (if you understand what I'm trying to say).  This is very good.  
dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
3 posted 2000-05-28 03:14 PM


oh this has a wonderful feel to it..great imagery (sp?)!   and i love the idea of peering into a house at night to see a writer doing what he does best..
enjoyed the read!

 "A Poet's life is on written page; a scenario to take the stage--watch..." dgvarner

patricianne
Member
since 2000-05-04
Posts 66

4 posted 2000-05-28 09:51 PM


This is great! So much like all those small towns I've been in. The truck really clenched it, sort of replaced those lonely old train whistles. Enjoyed very much.
Jonas
Senior Member
since 2000-03-03
Posts 796
Oregon
5 posted 2000-05-29 07:10 PM


Septsong - Thank you! That is high praise indeed!

childomine - yes, this is a bit different for me. I was raised in a town much larger than the one I am currently living in. So to be honest, I have always found small town to be a bit surreal...and I tried to incorporate subtle hints of that quality in this one.

dgvarner - Thank you...I too am intrigued by the same vision as you are.

patricianne - Thank you for the comment! I would have rather used a train whistle, but the town's RR station was turned into a car lot in early 40's. LOL!

Swåmp¤Faerÿie
Member
since 2000-03-29
Posts 358
Illinois
6 posted 2000-05-29 09:46 PM


This is really VERY interesting...i love it!! it's so unique i love the way you describe the quiet and the reflections of the pavement!! WONDERFUL  

swampie


 And there she weaves by night and day,
a magic web of colours gay.~Tennyson

Jon Mewett
Senior Member
since 2000-03-04
Posts 1304

7 posted 2000-05-30 09:33 AM


A great snapshot and well written the mood is nicely created,you can feel this poem.

jon

Jana Tovey
Member
since 2000-05-30
Posts 257
USA
8 posted 2000-05-31 11:28 AM


Great descriptions, mental images come immediately, and I can recall that lonely sound of a passing truck's horn...good insight into the author, too, who takes such care to recreate treasured small town scenes.
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

9 posted 2000-06-01 08:23 PM


Excellent writing, Gary! I enjoyed this very much!

Denise

Jonas
Senior Member
since 2000-03-03
Posts 796
Oregon
10 posted 2000-06-06 12:28 PM


Thank you very much everyone  

I am glad you enjoyed reading!

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