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Jon Mewett
Senior Member
since 2000-03-04
Posts 1304


0 posted 2000-05-15 09:50 AM


The candle radiates its flame
The flickering feelings ..They call my name
My kaleidoscope thoughts jumping unseen
Blurring my mind like an old fashioned movie screen

The faltering step

Hesitatingly took
The smouldering kiss
The simmering look
The sly fleeting glance
The slow sensual dance
The walk to the park
The passion so dark
My own awkwardness
Your silk crumpled dress
The stars hanging bright
The love foaming night
The cold mocking moon
The sun rising soon
My thoughts in a drift
The cold lonely lift
The collar turned up
My lone coffee cup
The walk to my flat
The black crossing cat
The slow turning key
Are you thinking of me?
The bare unmade bed
My sad throbbing head
The door on the latch
The last single match

And now the next night
With soft candle light

The scenes rushing by on cracked cellulose
The cinema empty the kiosk I close


© Copyright 2000 Jon Mewett - All Rights Reserved
Wobbly Head Bob
Member
since 2000-05-15
Posts 299
Virginia, USA
1 posted 2000-05-15 11:30 AM


I really enjoyed this read, your rhyme was on time (no pun intended there), and I especially liked the use of same first letter words (I know there's a term for that but its beyond me), like the few lines with a lot of "s" words, making the lines a bit more sinister, or sensual...very cool indeed.  The "crossing cat" HA!  Story of my life, again thanks for the read!
Jon Mewett
Senior Member
since 2000-03-04
Posts 1304

2 posted 2000-05-16 02:48 AM


Thanx Bob.

Jon

Lost Dreamer
Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow
3 posted 2000-05-24 08:31 AM


This is so neat the way you wrote it. Your excellent display of words flickered like a candle, real sparkling.  
blackhalo
Member
since 2000-02-15
Posts 467
Denver, CO
4 posted 2000-05-24 12:48 PM


I can only ditto the above.  A wonderful poem expressed very well!
Alicia A. Renzelman

childomine
Senior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 818
st. petersburg, FL
5 posted 2000-05-25 07:30 AM


Enjoyed this immensely Jon.  The flow is great - kept my eyes transfixed to the poem.  Very good.
JOY 14
Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419
Wisconsin USA
6 posted 2000-05-26 09:59 AM


Had me reading till the end.  Excellent rhyme, everything wrapped up together and the result was a present, a wonderful poem.

Joy

Wikket
Member
since 2000-01-29
Posts 340
Santa Clara, CA USA
7 posted 2000-05-27 03:06 PM


Jon,

Thank you for this...it was a wonderful read.  Very smooth flow and enticing topic!  Great job!  ~~Jamie     


 "I keep breaking all the promises
That I keep making to myself
You'd think by now that I'd be over this
Instead I'm feeling sorry for myself
So why does everything seem desperate now?
I should be feeling so alive
But it feels like something's missing
Something's wrong somehow
It feels like something deep inside has died..."
--Stabbing Westward

twinsgd
Member
since 2000-02-13
Posts 416
Ontario,Canada
8 posted 2000-05-28 09:30 PM


The Master writes again...good poem Jon.
For some reason a black and white image of the private eye and his girl comes to mind...trenchcoat and Fedora...Hmmm.

Jack

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