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rich-pa
Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317
New Orleans, Louisiana

0 posted 2000-04-20 07:19 PM


running low on joy-
gotta find my friends,
gotta live life.

tweaking-
fiending that candy-coated mad fast fix
gotta get - gotta get more
shifty shifty eyes
gotta get another amber drop
another drop of that sweet ambrosia
boil it down, boil it down
-pulling out that life-infusing hipodermic-
that tool-
that tool of the fix.
suck up that sweet
that sweet essence of life
and send it coursing
coursing through my veins
and exploding in my heart
like a geyser of ecstasy!
oh, what this life does to me!

i keep on coming back
coming back for more.

gotta find my friends
gotta live life.


 "freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..." -janis joplin

© Copyright 2000 rich cooper - All Rights Reserved
Alicat
Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094
Coastal Texas
1 posted 2000-04-20 08:12 PM


Whoa....wild ride.  Free verse is kinda hard to subject to literary criticism (the good kind), but I'll give it a whirl.

1)hipodermic...was the an intentional misspelling? (hypodermic)

2)'fiending that candy-coated mad fast fix'  love this line...rich in imagery, utilizing consonance and assonance...very nicely done.

3)Very good tempo and beat...nice flow from beginning to end.


Hmm...well that should be enough for now...got my fix.  

If'n this was not the sort of reply you wanted, just lemme know, and I'll lay off the critiques.


Alicat, the Persnikitty

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

2 posted 2000-04-20 08:58 PM


Very 'up' poem, Rich, I like it!

Denise

twinsgd
Member
since 2000-02-13
Posts 416
Ontario,Canada
3 posted 2000-04-20 09:43 PM


Interesting poem rich-pa, when you read and reread and read again and then say to myself well,only fix I need are my friends.How about you?

Jack

rich-pa
Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317
New Orleans, Louisiana
4 posted 2000-04-21 04:34 AM


alicat:  i actually favor those types of critiques so thank you...the misspelling was an accident.

twinsgd:  that was one of the angles i was shooting for.

PhaerieChild
Senior Member
since 1999-08-30
Posts 1787
Aloha, Oregon
5 posted 2000-04-21 04:40 AM


Not into the go-fast myself these days but finding my friends is always "high" on my list of things to do. Like it!

 Poetry~ Words falling on paper, painting a dream.

Shawna R. Holder
Boise, Idaho



ESP
Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....
6 posted 2000-04-21 08:21 AM


Interesting style of poem, Rich-pa, I like it!

Love and hugs,
Lizzie



 "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight."

PrincessPoet
Member
since 2000-04-15
Posts 133
Long Beach, Calif.
7 posted 2000-04-21 11:03 PM


I relly enjoyed your Creative energy here, Rich-Pa  

 Your failures in life come from not realizing your nearness to success when you give up.
-Yoruba Proverb

Poetry & Friendship,
PrincessPoet


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