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Strosek
Member
since 2000-04-08
Posts 61
Fourways, Gauteng, South Africa

0 posted 2000-04-20 03:31 AM


Flame strikes against its cold white cover
Brownish centre slowly turning red
Flame fades as its necessity is over
Grey smoke twirls, Grey ash is shed

Inhale, then breathe deep
Grey smoke fills your kingdom
Exhale, the smoke returns
Mouth and nose, vents of freedom

Resting between your fingers
It’s own life growing short
Grey smoke devours as its life lingers
Ash consumes where heat once fought

Smoke gently dances as it rises to the sky
Three or four of them twirling in delight
Slowly they go there own way, as the cry
Smoke gone, the dancers have taken flight

Red light lingers, burning its soul
Ash forms to protect what is still strong
Ash falls, heat continues to take its toll
Life gone, ash has fallen, red light is gone

Lifeless stub rests between my fingertips
Flicked away, forgotten, another pulled from a box.




 May the light of day always shine during the darkest of nights.



© Copyright 2000 Victor Tunmer - All Rights Reserved
PrincessPoet
Member
since 2000-04-15
Posts 133
Long Beach, Calif.
1 posted 2000-04-20 04:58 AM


I dislike cigarettes, ugh  
But, there is good detail in this poem.





 Your failures in life come from not realizing your nearness to success when you give up.
-Yoruba Proverb

Poetry & Friendship,
PrincessPoet


Lost Dreamer
Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow
2 posted 2000-04-20 06:01 AM


Interesting poem, I also find cigarettes repulsive, but your writing is very good on the life of one.  
Strosek
Member
since 2000-04-08
Posts 61
Fourways, Gauteng, South Africa
3 posted 2000-04-20 06:19 AM


princessPoet/ Lost Dreamer :   thanks for the replies. umm, this poem was acctually written at a time in my life before I stated to smoke, I went through a very dark period in my life, and it was a Synonym on how life destroys the human soul.

 May the light of day always shine during the darkest of nights.



Lost Dreamer
Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow
4 posted 2000-04-20 06:43 AM


I stand corrected, and appreciate your poem even more, it's an excellent analysis to the destructiveness, thanks for sharing it here with us, and I am glad that dark period is past you.  
ESP
Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....
5 posted 2000-04-20 12:08 PM


This is an excellent poem....great synonym and so well written!

Love and hugs,
Lizzie



 "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight."

blackhalo
Member
since 2000-02-15
Posts 467
Denver, CO
6 posted 2000-04-20 01:00 PM


Ciggarettes tend to make life seem better at times, (yes I smoke), but ultimatly they break up what mutual friendships I have.  Everyone but me seems to be quitting!  No, not really!  Excellent comparison, and I believe I completely understand. (for once, LOL!)  I think though, that I am going to quit sometime soon, I just am not quite ready to give up my 15 minute smoke breaks every day!  LOL!  Sorry, I tend to ramble a lot!


 Hope,
Alicia A. Renzelman

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