Aah, a sunset.. ^^
I love to watch the sunset, and rise.. so beautiful, and your words are a sunset, in themselves.. ^_^ a beautiful poem, and for a first atempt, I would say, absolutely outstanding. ^^
One thing, I think perhaps it may fit better, sound more.. alive, if you wrote..
Fiery red and golden colours,
Blaze across the eastern skies, (so, cut the line in half here)
Painted with the sure, swift stroke (take out the "as though" and the "in" here)
Of an artistís hand.
The clouds dance through a hundred shades of brilliance (perhaps change the word 'go' to something else.. not necessarily 'dance', but the word 'GO' is just not quite the right word to describe th grace with which a sunset changes.. in my opinion anyway.)
Trying to decide which best adorns them.
Then, in the blink of an eye, (in the blink of an eye? is it really that fast??m.. I think perhaps this cliche does not fit here, because a sunset is anything BUT a cliche, and .. is slow and gentle.. not quick like that.. so perhaps delete this line? And add a word to the beginning of the next line to make it fit?)
The sun sinks below the horizon...
Once vivid colours fade into the pale violet hues
Of a twilight sky. (aah, perfect ending.. )
Well, these are just some suggestiond from me, as to how u could possibly improve a good poem.. but, just my opinion, ok? ^_^ thank you for this poem, a lovely account of a lovely occurance. ^_^
Take my criticism as a compliment, because I only criticise poetry I think has a lot of potential to be a stunning piece of work. ^_^ I definitly think this one could get there ^_^
[This message has been edited by Yu Lan (edited 04-19-2000).]