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Pretty Lies
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Pretty Lies |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand 
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Pretty Lies Your silent eyes Tell lies to me, Hard as steel, Your eyes are dead. Show no emotion No love for me, Although you say You’ll always be mine. You speak pretty words, dear, But always your eyes, Come back to haunt me. Maybe, I think, It is not your eyes that lie. hey, can someone help me with punctuation here?? hehe.. I am terrible with commas.. dot them around like they are going out of fashion. ^_^ thanx ... Lynne |
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| © Copyright 2000 Lynne Miura, née Chudley - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jamesjiao Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 268Backwaters of Avalon |
Ah, this one, Lynne, this is the one that was mistaken for a love poem by me, hehe. Yeah, I am not sure about the punctuations, hope someone else can help you with them here. Good poem though, lady. Jõmes |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
This is a very good poem! Er...punctuation? Oh you mean those dots and lines and things...er not my strong point!! I'm sure someone else will give you a hand with that...if I did, it would be fatal!! For the poem anyway! Love and hugs, Lizzie  "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight." |
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Strosek Member
since 2000-04-08
Posts 61Fourways, Gauteng, South Africa |
 great poem, it's so true though.but umm, it seems we got all these poets and none of us knows how to use punctuation.  May the light of day always shine during the darkest of nights. |
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twinsgd Member
since 2000-02-13
Posts 416Ontario,Canada |
Good poem Lynne Perhaps us punctuationally challenged folks could leave a pile of commas at the start and let the reader use at will...LOL Jack |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
You've got it, Lynne ... The eyes never lie ..... Punctuation? Hey, Nan..... where are you? 'S' "This is where you will win the battle .... in the playhouse of your mind." Maxwell Maltz |
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Chico Member
since 2000-02-10
Posts 67 |
Yu lan, this is sad, but so often true. And yes somtimes it hurts. Now, As for the punctuation, As I read all the other replies I just could'nt help laughin, it was just so funny, to see All these poets, not know about the punctiation, lol, But I have to say, I am one of them, I just put my periods, and commas, where they look good and sound right, So I think if I tried to help you out, I would just make a fool of myself, so mabey one of the experts in here could help you out with this... take care now. And don't forget to Smile ! lol -Chico [This message has been edited by Chico (edited 04-16-2000).] |
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Gene Senior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 935Colorado, USA |
Lynne, This is a beautiful poem. Don't worry so much about the puntuation. Many poets don't use any puntuation at all, but if you really want to know...this is how I'd do it, but I'm not that great at it myself. I just do what feels natural. Your silent eyes Tell lies to me. Hard as steel, Your eyes are dead; Show no emotion, No love for me. Although, you say, You’ll always be mine. You speak pretty words, dear, But always, your eyes Come back to haunt me. Maybe, I think, It is not your eyes that lie. ----- ~Gene [This message has been edited by u_gene (edited 04-16-2000).] |
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rich-pa Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317New Orleans, Louisiana |
punctuation? pish posh, you don't really need to worry about that in poetry, you can use this magical thign called poetic license, you can use no commas, you can put 'em after every sentence, or you can just use them when you need a pause ....anyways, the poem was a good one, and that's all that matters. rich-pa "freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..." -janis joplin |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Thank you all.. this poem is not about me though.. not from personal experience.. by the way, it may help if you look at it as being from a male's point of view.. 'stead of a females.. ^_^ thanx u_gene.. punctuationally challenged..hehe.. yes.. indeed seems we all are, eh? *_^ [This message has been edited by Yu Lan (edited 04-16-2000).] |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Hey, I have altered this poem slightly.. see if u guys like my improvements.. or are they un-improvements..(hehe. not a word.. but hey )Pretty Lies Your silent eyes Tell lies to me. Hard as flint, Your eyes are dead; Show no emotion, No love for me, Although you say You’ll always be mine. You speak pretty words, dear, But always, your eyes Come back to haunt me. Maybe, maybe... It is not your eyes that lie. thanx .. |
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
Excellent poem Punctuation, isn't that what people expect of us when expected at a special event?...LOL Oh yea, that's punctuality...LOL Sorry looks like I'm part of the lost punctuation crowd. [This message has been edited by Lost Dreamer (edited 04-17-2000).] |
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Jon Mewett Senior Member
since 2000-03-04
Posts 1304 |
Oh no it's eyes again. Eyes are so important when we comunicate. BEEN TO THE BOTTOM OF A WHIRL POOL OF LIES AINT LOOKING FOR NOTHING IN ANYBODY'S EYES |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Thank you Lost Dreamer and Jon. ^_^ much appreciated replies.. *_^ Luv, Lynne |
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midnightblues Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 1597Singapore |
dots?lines? oh i'm not that sure.juz put them wherever is nice, i guess.like this . . . . . . . ..... . . . .. . .. . . . . . . . . . . . ..... . . . .. . .. . ..... . . . . . ..... hope it turns out nice *prayin* love, michelle If there cannot be equal in affection, then let the one with more be me - midnightblues™ |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Thanx michele.. hehe, yeah, dots and lines should be put wherev-er, eh? Makes li.f-e more inte-res.ting  Thanx.. hehe.. Luv, Lynne |
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