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freckles
Member
since 2000-02-12
Posts 160
Virginia USA

0 posted 2000-04-12 08:22 PM


Ok......let me give you a brief background...... A friend of mine just lost his son to suicide....left behind are Mom and Dad (divorced), younger sister (who has Downs Syndrome and is legally blind--quite a remarkable young lady--anyone who gets the opportunity to meet her is truly blessed), and a younger brother (quite a special young man--a wonderful mixture of "all boy" and sensitivity).  I'm sure you can just imagine what this friend of mine (the father) is going through.  I can only imagine...I really can't begin to fathom the hurt, grief, and guilt he is feeling.  He keeps saying that he wishes he could just talk to his son again......that he should have been able to make things different that night.....that he wonders if his son knows how much he loves him and misses him.....  Well, I was looking through sympathy cards and was not all that impressed with what I found.  A friend suggested that some verse from me would be better....well, for once in my life, I am speechless....I'm really not sure if I'm capable of doing that for this situation; but I thought I would try.  For those of you who know me, you know that I always write in rhyme.....free verse is not something to which I am at all accustomed.  I'm not even sure if you could classify what I have here as "poetry."  I need some help from my friends here in the Pub....please tell me if you think this is OK to send on to my friend.


A Message to My Father

Hello Dad.......I guess maybe you are surprised to be hearing from me........I know I left very abruptly, and the only real excuse I have is that I was hurting...The pain got to be too much for me to handle......oh, I know things were looking pretty good on the outside, but inside I was still in constant turmoil.  I should have called?  Oh, Dad......at that precise moment, there is nothing you could have done to make my world right.  When I was a small boy, you always looked out for me, took up for me, and never let me get hurt if you could possibly help it.  As I grew up, you taught me how to do those things for myself (even though I know that secretly you still wanted to do them for me).  You taught me how to look out for others less fortunate than myself (God, am I glad Angie is my sister....she is such a special young lady and she taught me so much while I was alive).  And Wes...well, he may have driven me crazy sometimes, but what are little brothers for if not to drive their big brothers crazy??  He is a wonderful young man (you can even tell him I said so if you want).  What?  You made so many mistakes with me?  Well you know Dad, I didn’t exactly come with an owner’s manual or anything.....heck, I made plenty of mistakes myself.......and you always helped me through the mistakes I made.  You and Mom are kind and loving parents; I’m just sorry for the hurt with which I left you.  I guess I knew it would happen, but hurting people was not my intention.  I love you, Dad.  I miss you, and I know you miss me.  I know you wanted so much for me, and you did everything you could to make sure that I could get where I wanted to go in life--from buying me my first drum set to encouraging me if I started doubting my abilities and dreams.  

Dad, we have been through so much together.....I’m sorry if I didn’t tell you often enough just how much I love you.  Sometimes I think we were so much alike that it made communication difficult.  Why did I pick now to talk to you?  Well, Dad.....I see how much you are hurting, and I realize that you didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to me.  I wanted to let you know that I am fine.  I know you must work through your grief, Dad, but don’t look to my grave to cry over me......I’m not there.  When the sunlight shines through your window in the morning, it’s me trying to wake you.  When the wind blows in your face, it’s me reminding you that I am here and watching over you.  When the rain falls gently on you, it’s me reminding you that the time for tears is over.  So, no Dad......don’t look to my grave, I’m not there........I am here, with you.    
< !signature-->

 "Unto thine own self be true, and it must follow as the night, the day; thou cans't not be false to any man."---Shakespeare



[This message has been edited by freckles (edited 04-12-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 freckles - All Rights Reserved
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

1 posted 2000-04-12 08:31 PM


What a tragedy. Please extend my sympathies to your friend. I think what you have written is very touching and would be appreciated by your friend.

Denise

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
2 posted 2000-04-12 09:44 PM


Honestly, freckles, this piece will live in your friends heart forever as a tribute to both him and his son. This is more than poetry or music or anything you can describe as aesthetic. This come from the heart and from the soul. This is love in its purest form, when compassion for another's sorrow turns into something so beautiful that those who don't know your friend or his son shed tears of sorrow for both of them. This is a wonderful poem and you are a true friend.
Liz

Lost Dreamer
Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow
3 posted 2000-04-12 10:16 PM


This is so heartfelt and beautiful, I have tears flowing, my you must have had a flood. I am sure your friend would feel so at ease with this, you did a wonderful job on it, you should be proud.  
freckles
Member
since 2000-02-12
Posts 160
Virginia USA
4 posted 2000-04-12 10:28 PM


Thank you all for your kind words and helpful opinions.......I was so confused that I really felt the need for other people's input.  I have sent it on to him, and I hope that it brings him the comfort it was intended to bring.

 "Unto thine own self be true, and it must follow as the night, the day; thou cans't not be false to any man."---Shakespeare

childomine
Senior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 818
st. petersburg, FL
5 posted 2000-04-12 10:38 PM


Freckles, your piece is wonderful and heart- wrenching.  I know personally what it feels like to lose a loved one by their own hand, yet I too would be at a loss as to how to console another.  You did a very good job with this.
Broken_Winged_Angel
Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 994
Small Town, Somewhere
6 posted 2000-04-13 01:56 AM


Freckles.. My heart goes out to you for your loss...However, I have to be honest.. I didn't even make it through the first few sentences before my eyes were too clouded with tears for me to read any more.  I'm sure it's a wonderful tribute and if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here.

 MAY THE ROAD RISE TO MEET YOU,
MAY THE WIND BE ALWAYS AT YOUR BACK
MAY THE SUN SHINE UPON YOUR FACE
THE RAINS FALL SOFT UPON YOUR FIELDS
AND, UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN,
MAY GOD HOLD YOU IN THE PALM OF HIS HAND

Irish Blessing

ESP
Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....
7 posted 2000-04-13 03:32 AM


I am so sorry for your loss....it is a truly tragic thing to happen. The consolation is wonderfully touching and I'm sure the dad will appreciate it greatly.

Love and hugs,
Lizzie.



 "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight."

Pepper
Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079
Southern Florida
8 posted 2000-04-13 10:47 AM


Oh my ..... this is definetly heartwrenching and done with such beauty and love .... I extend my condolences too, Freckles .....
Now, please excuse me while I run for the Kleenix ......

Jon Mewett
Senior Member
since 2000-03-04
Posts 1304

9 posted 2000-04-13 10:51 AM


Beautifuly STUNNING.Freckles

PEACE

Jon

twinsgd
Member
since 2000-02-13
Posts 416
Ontario,Canada
10 posted 2000-04-13 06:40 PM


Beautifully done with affection and compassion Freckles.
Jack

BSC
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-02-04
Posts 2919
New York, USA
11 posted 2000-04-13 06:47 PM


Freckles, What a terrible tragedy, but your words will help to lessen the grief.  I lost a brother to suicide and if only I would have gotten a letter like this....it would have helped so very much.  I am so sorry for this loss, I am certain that this will help.
Gene
Senior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 935
Colorado, USA
12 posted 2000-04-13 07:13 PM


freckles,

I'm very sorry for your loss. I wish I could give you some advice, but I really don't think I could help with something this personal. Although I have lost loved ones, I've never lost anyone to suicide, so I can't imagine how I'd react if I were this friend of yours.  All I can say is that you wrote a wonderful piece and it's obvious that it's from your heart. I think your friend will see that.

All the best,

~Gene

freckles
Member
since 2000-02-12
Posts 160
Virginia USA
13 posted 2000-04-13 11:31 PM


Thank you again to everybody who took the time to read and respond; your opinions helped me to decide that it would be a good idea to go ahead and send it.  My friend was so appreciative......  Thank you all so much for validating my efforts on this one; I was too close to the situation to really know whether or not to go with my instincts and send this.....I'm so glad I did.  Thanks again to ALL of you.

 "Unto thine own self be true, and it must follow as the night, the day; thou cans't not be false to any man."---Shakespeare

StarrGazer
Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679
Texas
14 posted 2000-04-14 01:15 AM


Just now got a chance to read this... tears streaming down my face too this was so well written and so ... I'm at a loss for words

 Mystical being
which makes ink flow
Surround me in
your incandescent glow
Fill my brain with
thoughts and rhyme
As I try to capture
but a moment in time
~Shan~


Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
15 posted 2000-04-14 04:46 PM


frecles, this is really from the heart and very beautiful. I think it will be very much appreciated by your friend. (((((HUGS)))))
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