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childomine
Senior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 818
st. petersburg, FL

0 posted 2000-03-19 06:23 PM


He stands before me in shocked despair,
the pain in his eyes too much to bear.
The love of his life is walking away,
he desperately longs for her to stay.
He is broken.



© Copyright 2000 Kim Soule - All Rights Reserved
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

1 posted 2000-03-19 07:12 PM


Very sad  

Denise

William P Bussey
Member
since 2000-02-26
Posts 188

2 posted 2000-03-19 10:40 PM


Thats great, it calls for a lot more, why not continue with it....it can't  be anything but beautiful....bill
wonderous
Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 75

3 posted 2000-03-20 05:43 PM


i agree with william  why dont you continue it?

JOY 14
Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419
Wisconsin USA
4 posted 2000-03-20 06:44 PM


I was thinking that too.  I got to the end and I thought, "where's the rest? This is good, why is it at an end?"  But if you like it like this, leave it be!  It is your work.     Smiles!

Joy

Sasikat
Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 290
St. Petersburg, FL
5 posted 2000-03-20 06:50 PM


Kim,

I like this.  Just my opinion, but I think it covers what you meant as it is.

She

childomine
Senior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 818
st. petersburg, FL
6 posted 2000-03-20 08:15 PM


Thank you all for your comments.  Someone I love like a son is going through this right now and I just can't erase the picture of how he looked as he told me.  I'm not sure I have it in me to add more.  I'll give it thought and see what I can come up with.
Jon Mewett
Senior Member
since 2000-03-04
Posts 1304

7 posted 2000-03-21 03:21 AM


Some times things happen that are sudden and sad.
The brevity of this piece coveys that well,this adds impact to the event your writing about.

Well written I say.

Jon

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