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A try at a haiku. (Inspired by Gene's 4 Seasons)
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A try at a haiku. (Inspired by Gene's 4 Seasons) |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
Here's my attempt at a haiku Don't laugh Bear with me Somehow we'll both get through!  Anyway, here goes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Fear Silence lurking beneath deep shadows of insecurity and weak impulses My fear awaits ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Btw, is this the right # of lines? I need an expert's help here. If anyone is really interested and knows a lot abut haikus, would ya please tell me? I think I may like to continue to try to write these. Thanks! Joy |
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Gene Senior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 935Colorado, USA |
Joy, this is great. I laid out some guidelines in a reply to my 'Four Seasons' post. Traditionally, haiku is written in three lines of 5-7-5 syllables (sometimes 3-5-3). But that comes from the original Japanese. Many people don't believe that it's necessary to stick to that since you really can't make a direct connection between English and Japanese. But I like to try--it's more challenging. Here are a few rules that I took from the link that I provided (there are many more): "The first or second line usually requires punctuation. Use a season word (kigo) or seasonal reference (not necessary with senryu). Never have all three lines make a complete or run-on sentence. Have two images that are only comparative when illuminated by the third image. Example: spirit in retreat / cleaning first the black stove / and washing my hands Have two images that are only associative when illuminated by the third image. Example: fire-white halo / at the moment of esclipse / I notice your face Have two images that are only in contrast when illuminated by the third image. Example: two things ready / but not touching the space between / fire Always written in the present tense of here and now." --- Remember, these are the traditional rules, there are literally a dozen more. You don't have to adhere to them--just use them as a guide. Basically, have fun with it. See the link i provided in my Four Seasons thread. /pip/Forum27/HTML/000365.html Also, in that thread, I briefly discussed the difference between haiku and senryu. The link to the other site is a great resource. You'll become an expert in 5 minutes. Your haiku should come from a spark of inspiration. Example: I just looked out my window and this struck me. Lonely pecking bird in late winter’s fruitless tree; one last bud to eat. --- And, read a lot of other peoples haiku to get examples. Keep it up, you're doing great--and don't ever feel silly about posting. ~Gene [This message has been edited by u_gene (edited 03-12-2000).] |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
Hey thanks, Gene! I knew you would be the one to help me out! Sounds like I gotta get into the drift of things. May not come too easily at first, but you're right, I'm sure once I get the hang of it I won't be able to stop! And about feeling silly, I can't help that one. I'm always doubling over from the things I post here! lol  Joy Btw, I'd also like to hear from everyone else. Any other suggestions? Although to top Gene you may have to go on for pages! J/K! |
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Sasikat Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 290St. Petersburg, FL |
Joy, I'm no expert on Haiku, but I do like this. Sheila |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Joy~ Everybody has to start somewhere and yours was a really nice attempt. What you said conveyed your message very well. Gene has some great Haiku pointers for you. For some reason they seem to flow easily for me ... and believe me I'M A NOVICE, having only done my first one a couple of weeks ago. They do fascinate me and I try to adhere to the 5-7-5 syllabic count rule of thumb. I'm not so hep on the punctuation .. but that's my personal choice and not necessarily the correct form. I do find that seeing the 'thing' that sparks the Haiku helps. I'm a nature lover so that's the most fun part. I write them in my mind and my friends have begun to tell me I 'speak' Haiku ! LOL ! (whatever that means) I'm known to be 'wordy' so it surprises me that I like these so much. Keep practicing and post, post, post. Great experience in having someone read them. Most of all ..... have fun with them. Amazing how no two people see the same thing in the same way. DID I SAY 'WORDY' ? ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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childomine Senior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 818st. petersburg, FL |
Good first attempt Joy. I only know a little about Haiku so Genes response has taught me a lot too! Although I've only written in this style a few times, I too like to stick to the 5-7-5 rule of thumb because of the challenge. Keep up the good work!! |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
i love haiku too....though i can't offer you such good advice as u_gene and marge,practice, practice and practice...you will get better in time... i think your first senyru looks promising and shows potential lots looking forward to read more of your haiku |
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