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untitled but to my sister
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untitled but to my sister |
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rich-pa Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317New Orleans, Louisiana |
remembering back on times like out in the yard, exchanging violent blows of sibling love always errupting in miniscule quarrels that seemed like a war or the he-man and she-ra soap operas played by you and me that i masked with the facade of he-man going to war with the everpresent skeletor but the older we got the more we grew apart you had your world and your friends and i had mine the two rarely crossing and when they did very little but now we're a little older and a little wiser you and i and i get midnight phone calls from a troubled soul with too much to handle looking for someone to talk to so i gladly listen taking time from my simple life You tell me that you feel alone and i try and show you that i'm there for you. You tell me that you're depressed so i try and cheer you up You tell me how you feel- that our dad doesn't love you and i tell you that i sympathize knowing the feeling too And you tell me how hard it is to go to school all day and then work all night and still pass and all i can think is how proud i am of you, trying to do good, so i tell you to stick in there And you tell me your pain how you think no one loves you so now i tell you this one thing sis... that i love you. |
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Another Heather Member
since 2000-02-17
Posts 93Canada |
I have to say there are two main things i appreciated about your poem: 1- I have a brother and it gave me a nice nostalgic feeling of when he and i were younger. 2- It had excellent imagery. I felt like I could picture everything you were talking about. Now, if you`re looking for criticisms one that i can offer is that it seemed to be too divided by that i mean that the general idea completely shifted from the first half of the poem to the second. if that`s what you were going for, great! if not try to tie the two together a bit more. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Beautiful! This brought back memories! I'm glad that you both have each other to love and care about. That means so much, especially if parental love is lacking. Denise |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
this is excellent!! I really related to this one...you have expressed this relationship and the emotions of it perfectly. glad I got to see some of your work here, welcome to the pub and passions. take care, janet marie When you look in the mirror... Wish you were somebody else Just a perfect reflection You and no one else... Minutes run into hours Hours run into days You're still waiting for someone Who never ever came... Go and run through the hallways Find your way to the door You will end up like always Back where you were before... Then you look in the mirror Wish you were somebody else But it's still your reflection You and no one else... Guster |
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Gene Senior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 935Colorado, USA |
Wonderful poem about sibling rivalry. It reminds me of my own. Remember, no matter what, she'll always be your sister. ~Gene |
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rich-pa Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317New Orleans, Louisiana |
another heather, actually that split was supposed to happen i kinda worked it over form our childhood, to the teenage years, into who we are now, the childhoos part was more to create a reminiscent feeling. as to the rest, thank you for the comments, i appreciate them rich-pa |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
I enjoyed this greatly. Thanks for posting it here  |
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