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Water Falls Naturally - The Great Experiment
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Water Falls Naturally - The Great Experiment |
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Little_Spyro Senior Member
since 2000-01-09
Posts 659San Diego, CA, USA 
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My friend and I were walking down The vivid and leaf-covered way In the forest, then we heard the sound Of a rock being hit with a water's spray. ____________________________________________________ The sun, glistening on the flowing river of light, shone on the sparkling liquid and cast a glow into the rainbow cloud of mist gathering in the air. The forest on the sides of the river rustle with a gentle wind, soothing the troubled soul. ____________________________________________________ Soon after that we came to a clearing And knew that we were nearing The sound of the rushing river. Somehow, it all seemed familiar... ____________________________________________________ The water, as if it had the consciousness to know that human and dragon were approaching, gathered up a small wave of itself and hurled it at the awaiting shore, already moistened from the previous eddies. ____________________________________________________ In no hurry, we arrived at the shore And took a good look around. A strange feeling came, like we'd been here before... ...and there were our tracks on the ground. ____________________________________________________ A withered and worn book, floating on the water, yellowed as if it had barely made its journey through time to find the two explorers on the shore. ____________________________________________________ Henry bent down and the book he retrieved From the current that carried it askew. He asked, "How old do you think this can be?" "You know, I really wish I knew." In the book were sketches and notes Of two that here they had been. There was a paper inscribed were their hopes-- And a picture of me and my friend... Apparently, a dragon and kid like me Had trekked through this region long ago. They had logged all they had found and seen And had cast it through time for others to know. So we set it back to the stream of time That had brought it to us here. We couldn't keep it--we must keep in mind That future friends might hold it dear. So then we left, found our way back home To get some rest, and later on roam Some more. ____________________________________________________ The time-worn book floated gently past two hikers, one human, one dragon, as they had stopped to eat. The dragon reached down to pick up the aging collection of notes and hopes. And the two began to read. ____________________________________________________ [This message has been edited by Little_Spyro (edited 01-28-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Sam Reinsford (Little_Spyro) - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Little_Spyro Senior Member
since 2000-01-09
Posts 659San Diego, CA, USA |
Okay, granted, there's nothing too great about this poem, but I like calling it the "Great Experiment"...it sounds dramatic!  This was an experiment in mixing my meager prose with what poetry I can muster. What do you think? |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I find it thoroughly enjoyable....just like everything else you write!! And I don't want to hear anymore talk about you not having any talent.....ya hear me, Sam?!  [This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 01-28-2000).] |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Spyro...this was so very creative and fun to read...your vision of the sea and its past coming back is beautifully written...you have a way with words...and dragons... Janet Marie ..."She says baby, It's 3am I must be lonely, When she says baby, Well I can't help but be scared of it all sometimes, Says the rains gonna wash away I believe it." Matchbox20 |
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Gene Senior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 935Colorado, USA |
"With people of only moderate ability modesty is mere honesty; but with those who possess great talent it is hypocrisy." ~Arthur Schopenhauer In other words, Spyro, stop being so modest. "But, talent alone cannot make a writer. There must be a man (or little dragon) behind the book." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson and Gene |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Wonderfully done! You've got talent in your 'dragon's breath'! |
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Exile Junior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 42 |
Little Spyro, I like the mixture of prose and poetry; please try to develop this further. Also, the water is a great vehicle for a poem like this. Your usual outstanding job!! Tell me, does the rest of your family know about your poetry? What do they say? Exile |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Wow, with poetry this challenging and unpretensiously enjoyable, why haven't I spent more time here? Not to knock my friends in open forum #5, but wow! Mike |
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Wendy Flora Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 182Virginia |
I think this is wonderful... I love poems that tell stories, and this is SO fantastic. I have to say I love your work. -wen |
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Little_Spyro Senior Member
since 2000-01-09
Posts 659San Diego, CA, USA |
To Exile: Thanks! Yeah, I'll do my best to work on the poetry-prose mix some more...Am I getting the prose right? Yes and no, my family does know that I write a lot of poems, but they haven't seen very many of them--the only one they saw was "Faith in Dreams", so far, anyway... To bsquirrel/Mike: Welcome to the Pub! I hope you like the poems everyone else writes here too...lol And thanks!  And to the rest of you: Thank you for all your compliments, and (I hate to do this, but since Gene and Denise said to stop being modest...) I GUESS <----(note the emphasis on "guess") it's well deserved. Again, thank you all! Little Spyro T. Dragon [This message has been edited by Little_Spyro (edited 01-29-2000).] |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
I like the story and I like the mixture, though I am finding it a little hard to read, but that must be 'cause I'm Dutch huh ? ; ) Another great piece Little One |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
Spyro- You tell a great story in this one! Devotion The heart can think of no devotion Greater than being shore to the ocean- Holding the curve of one position, Counting an endless repetiton. -Robert Frost |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Sam, I hope I can call you Sam, flows from the tongue like dragons breath, if you know what I mean. I loved this prose poem and found it enchanting. |
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Broken_Winged_Angel Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 994Small Town, Somewhere |
Once more, my hats off to you lil dragon.. Beautiful and wonderful.. |
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rich-pa Member
since 2000-02-07
Posts 317New Orleans, Louisiana |
ya know what, spyro, that was a great experiment, and if i must say so, you did rather well, i had to read over it more than once to sort it out, but other than that i thought it was a rather well developed piece. anyways, later yo. rich-pa "freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..." -janis joplin |
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twinsgd Member
since 2000-02-13
Posts 416Ontario,Canada |
Beautiful piece of work Dragon Same place ...another time...very nice concept...I really liked it. Jack |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
I like the ending for this poem.. leaving it there for others to read.. it reminds me of a qoute.. "I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... Perhaps you've seen it." Steve Wright very nice, spyro..  |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
oh yeah.. just a few things that perhaps could be 'fiddled with'.. perhaps exchange the first 'then' with 'when'.. seems to make more sense.. "The water, as if it had the consciousness to know .." Umm.. as if it HAD the consciousness sounds.. well, not quite right, I am sure there is another way u could write this, and looking at your other poems, I am sure u could make it better.. Well.. of course, these are just little suggestions.. as to how u could possibly imrove a poem.. that is already good. ^_^ u don't have to take any notice.. ^_^ Lynne.. [This message has been edited by Yu Lan (edited 04-15-2000).] |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
This is good!! Should I say "great". Seriously though, I found this a very interesting read, I like the mixture of prose and poetry...make a challenge to us involving it sometime! Love and hugs, Lizzie "Poetry is the true expression of my soul, it is my ultimate means of communication. It is my rainbow of delight." |
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