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Passions in Poetry

Holiday Tanka

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Nicole
Senior Member
since 06-23-99
Posts 1896
Florida


0 posted 12-08-1999 01:32 AM       View Profile for Nicole   Email Nicole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Nicole

Lights twinkle brightly
shining from icy blue spheres
upon sight of presents
Best gifts are small packages
The smile of a child



 May I never be too busy to help another's load,
Then I'll be drinking from the saucer 'cause my cup has overflowed.

--Author Unknown
© Copyright 1999 Nicole Adams - All Rights Reserved
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


1 posted 12-08-1999 07:33 AM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

This is lovely, Satiate - and it's wonderful to see your smiling face(s)....
Alicat
Member Elite
since 05-23-99
Posts 4277
Coastal Texas


2 posted 12-08-1999 02:57 PM       View Profile for Alicat   Email Alicat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alicat

Wonderful adherance to format, with a truly simplistic message.  Truly, the best gift one could ever hope for would be the smile of a child.

Alicat

 As I sit here dimly thinking
Watching modem lights a-blinking
Churning out poetic hash.
Lord, in all Your piety,
Help me keep my sanity:
Please don't let the modem crash! --Alicat

Beki
Senior Member
since 09-15-99
Posts 1615
Newport Beach, CA, USA


3 posted 12-08-1999 03:55 PM       View Profile for Beki   Email Beki   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Beki

Thius is beautiful but doesn't quite fit the form...5-7-5-7-7...simple rewriting will remedy that if you are so inclined. The image is perfect for the for, and you've captured it very well.

Consider

Lights twinkle brightly
shining from icy blue spheres
when presents sighted-
Best gifts are small packages
The joyful smile of a child

[This message has been edited by Beki (edited 12-08-1999).]
Nicole
Senior Member
since 06-23-99
Posts 1896
Florida


4 posted 12-08-1999 04:36 PM       View Profile for Nicole   Email Nicole   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Nicole

Thanks all  

And thank you, Beki.    I must have misread the format for a Tanka...I thought it was 5-7-5-7-5!    Your constructive suggestions are much appreciated.  

 May I never be too busy to help another's load,
Then I'll be drinking from the saucer 'cause my cup has overflowed.

--Author Unknown
Poet deVine
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Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


5 posted 12-08-1999 07:44 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

What a sweet poem! So much imagery packed into this one!
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


6 posted 12-11-1999 09:12 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Beautiful, Satiate! Very nice!

 Denise


Pepper
Member Elite
since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

Official Passions Reader
7 posted 12-11-1999 10:26 PM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

This is Lovely Satiate  

 A soul that writes from the heart and shares it, truly gives a gift extraordinaire!


Ladycat
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Senior Member
since 07-05-99
Posts 809
At the edge and a doorway,TX


8 posted 12-17-1999 07:29 PM       View Profile for Ladycat   Email Ladycat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ladycat's Home Page   View IP for Ladycat

Is it too late for me to tell you how the image(s) are beautiful and how I can't wait to see that too..

Love,
Lady
 
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